The Kids Are Not OK

"Nothing you do for children is ever wasted." ----Garrison Keillor 

 It's good to know that even on my worst parenting days, what I do for my children isn't a waste. The days of toddler tantrums, middle school mood swings, and high school hijinks are behind me, and all three of mine seem to be doing well, so I guess that means I can put my feet up, and chill, since the hard work is all done? Nope. Not even close. While right now my children are all young adults, and they do most of what they need to do on their own, they do sometimes still need me, just in different ways. 

Recently, the big issue in town has been about children and the school system, but just because none of my children are still in public school here, doesn't mean the decisions being made don't impact me. A good educational system benefits all of us, and not just here in town. The children we educate will go out into the wider world and make their way. As a town, it's important that we do whatever we can to avoid releasing a generation of young people into the world who haven't had a decent education. Lately, the issue we've all heard the most about doesn't concern the nuts and bolts of funding our schools, hiring teachers, purchasing the right equipment and books, but rather it's about naming the newest school in town. It's to be expected that there are a gazillion opinions, and it's to their credit that the School Committee narrowed it down to just a few choices. Then the debates began. On social media and websites set up for information, the thoughts were flying around. Comments, concerns, and more than a few arguments over this, that, or the other thing. Finally, the decision was made, and the new school will be named the Lucretia and Joseph Brown Elementary School. Naming it that was my first choice, so I'm happy they picked it, and now that debate can end, and we can continue swinging at each other on social media on other topics.

 At the Zoom meeting of the School Committee, there were other items on the agenda that were being considered, the main one being a plan to get schools reopened, safely, but soon. There are a ton of moving parts involved in a decision like this, and once again, kudos to the parents, educators, volunteers, and staff that have been trying to make it work. During the portion of the meeting that invited public comment, I was trying to cook dinner, while finishing up some research on an article about vintage kitchen appliances, and annoying my daughter with TikTok videos. I glanced over and noticed a student was speaking, and he wasn't mentioning infection rates, or six-foot distancing, or union contracts. He was speaking about his friends, about himself, and the very real mental health struggles that are happening with high school students. He was firm in his conviction that there is a crisis happening and it's about more than budgets, masks, and disinfectants. 

He spoke eloquently about missing his friends, about having to hear over and over how miserable many of them are, how hopeless some of them feel, and he wanted the adults to know, that, well, the kids are not okay. All of the back and forth about the name of the school, hybrid or remote learning, cohorts, vaccinations, pool testing, and the rest have taken up endless hours of debate and yet, guess what many of us, the adults that are supposed to be looking out for them, didn't know? We didn't know how many kids are really up against it, mentally. We didn't know how hard this has been, how lost some of these kids have become, and how desperate they are to be heard. They're sad, they're scared, and many of them don't know where to go with it all. Thank goodness this young man spoke up. Now it's our job to listen, and to act. The school has been named, and I'm hopeful that means that there will be more education about the Browns, their contributions, who they were, and what they meant to our community. Since that is now settled, what's next? 

I think it has to be our kids, our students, our future. They're it; they will be running this world before too long, how can we not prioritize their issues, and get them the support and help they need? As adults charged with running a school system and as parents and caregivers who are raising children, we kind of have one job: don't screw up the kids. I believe most of us are doing the best we can, but now that we know there is more that is needed? Let's do it and do it fast. Yes, it's easier to say that here, than it is to jump in and do the work, but at least now we have heard, from the real stakeholders in our public education system, the students. Thank you Niall Kearney, for speaking up. I hope we can help. The video below is the School Committee meeting from 2/4/21. If you'd like to hear Niall for yourself, fast forward to about the 24:00 minute mark. Also, please note, the video settings do not allow for the video to play here. When it comes up unavailable, please click where it says "Watch on YouTube" Here is the direct link for anyone who wants it. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KlTdkfhwlHg

Food, Family, and Being a Regular

“I miss the banter with friends and family, which more often than not takes place within the confines of a decent public house. So I miss the pubs.”

—Chris Vance

 

Ok, full disclosure, I had to look up who Chris Vance is. Turns out he’s an actor, from England. Well, I guess if you can’t be Irish, that’s close enough. He’s right about the pubs though. Having a regular place to go to, where they remember you, where your friends hang out, and you don’t even have to look at a menu, because you know what they have is priceless. Sometimes, if you are a true regular, they start making your order when you walk in the door. It doesn’t even have to be a pub, though. I am a fan of small pubs where they greet me like family, but honestly, if you have a favorite coffee shop, bistro, or diner, it’s the same thing. It’s knowing that when you walk in the door, you’ll be among friends. You’ll get asked about your kids, your dog, your day. The waitress will remember that you like extra cream in your coffee, which will probably be waiting for you at your regular spot. Having a spot is important if you’re going to be a regular. Every old sitcom that has a restaurant or a bar in it shows the characters always sitting in the same place. Norm at Cheers, Seinfeld at “The Restaurant,” and of course the iconic orange couch from “Friends” that was magically always available, despite being the best seat in a crowded coffee shop. Having a spot means that you sort of own a tiny bit of real estate in a favorite place. It’s an honor that comes with the designation of being a regular.

Luckily there are a lot of local pubs and restaurants around that I like, and that, to their credit, keep letting me come back. There is no place like The Barnacle in a storm, the Muffin Shop lobster rolls are perfection, and Scott and Emily at Sea Salt know just how I like my lettuce wraps. Years ago, when the Salem Diner wasn’t just a write-off for the university and was actually owned by a real family, it was my first stop most mornings. Before anyone was awake, I’d creep out of the house and go there for a coffee, at my favorite spot at the counter. I’d catch up with the owner, chat with other regulars, and start my day on a positive note of community and connection. 

I thought I wouldn’t find another spot like that for coffee, but luckily, a cafe opened up in Swampscott, with delicious food, excellent service, and people that know me and welcome me. Cafe Avellino’s owner Teresa Siriagno has saved my bacon (or should I say prosciutto) more than once with takeout family meals, good music, and a place to sit and chat with new friends and old friends. It was especially nice when a storm knocked power out at our house, but Teresa was open and made room for us to have a hot meal, a cold drink, and charge up our phones.

 

What’s even better than a really nice Italian place, that has good coffee, authentic cannoli, and is across from a beach? A sister restaurant, right downtown Marblehead! La Sirena is the second spot opened by Teresa, and it’s been a most welcome addition to a street of fun shops, and locals. La Sirena also has live music, well, at least it did in the “Before Times” when you could sing and play the harmonica without it being a hazmat event. The pandemic has been hellish for restaurants, pubs, and coffee shops. Many have closed their doors and may not open again. 

 

Teresa has met the challenge head-on, however, and when she couldn’t hire a band and host people, she turned to family meals and take out. Remember back in April and May, when going to the grocery store was like some kind of decathlon of obstacles, stress, and fear? That’s when Cafe Avellino became the lifeboat that kept my family from drowning in yet another boxed rice and dried out chicken. Teresa knew that family meals that come ready to eat, with crusty bread and good sauce are a bright spot on the dark days. I did my part by telling everyone I knew (and even a few random strangers) to go get some of her food, and it turns out there were so many customers from Marblehead going over the line to Swampscott, that she just had to make it happen here too. La Sirena is becoming a one-stop-shop for fresh pastry, gourmet coffee, small bites, and family meals. I’m so happy I can stay here in the ‘Head to get my favorite food, because, hey, there’s still that Marblehead/Swampscott rivalry thing, so staying local matters. Stop by La Sirena soon, get some good food, and say “Benvenuta” to Teresa.

 

 

 

 

 

 

The Binge, Revisited

 “Netflix gives you 15 seconds between episodes to decide whether or not you’re doing anything with your life today”

--- Internet Meme

Image by Rob Dobi via https://bit.ly/2PT63qy

 

A little over five years ago, I was stuck at home, unable to go out because of a health issue. No, there wasn’t a pandemic, everyone else was out and about, eating in restaurants, shopping in stores, and going barefaced. My issue was a new hip, and honestly, at least back then I had an excuse to lie around and be unproductive. Now? We’ve reached the Pinterest portion of the pandemic, and everyone is all over social media By everyone, I mean, not me. Sorry, but artisanal bread, kale chips, and gourmet chick pea salad is not how I roll, even if I am trapped in the house.

 

Initially, I bought a few sacks of flour, collected enough butter and eggs to choke a horse, and stockpiled a collection of Tasty and Buzzfeed food videos of deliciously decadent treats. Haven’t made any of them yet. The reason? I've fallen down the rabbit hole of online streaming. Between Hulu, Netflix, YouTube, and Amazon Prime, there are several thousand movies and shows to choose from, and honestly, binge-watching has become my video Valium of sorts. If I can’t sleep, Mary Tyler Moore, James Bond, Bob Newhart, and classic film noir movies are always there for me.

 

Five years ago, I wrote about the beauty of the binge, and how when there is downtime, it helps to have a distraction. In 2015, I wrote:

“What’s the answer? A good binge, that’s what. Now before you think anything untoward, I am not talking about vodka or chocolate cake. The new “Lost Weekend” is known as “binge-watching” and it’s perfect for those times when you don’t want to deal with the crapfest that passes for entertainment on some networks. There are a lot of ways to binge-watch too, depending on what you have available.”

That is still mostly true, except now, the crapfest is, sadly, the national news. It seems that everything is blowing up, from COVID numbers to fireworks factories, and Twitter rants, and that gets old after a while. Back then, however, if I couldn’t find something good online, there was Chet’s Video, with their delicious popcorn and candy. They even delivered movies for me while I healed. I miss that place.

The bonus now though? With online streaming, the viewer is the boss. It might be just a coincidence, but the TV “clickah” is actually called the “remote control.” How perfect is that? We’re all stuck learning remotely, working remotely, and doing so much else in an isolated way, and now we get to push some buttons and rule the world. Well, at least the screen anyway. I can wield a remote like a pro, zipping through channels at a seizure-inducing pace. I can’t make the pandemic go away. I am powerless to open the schools, I can’t sit on my favorite barstool at the Barnacle, munching on clams and sipping the perfect Bloody Mary. No hugging my friends, or traveling, or going to a ballgame. So much of what was normal in the “Before Times” just can’t happen now. So, this is one part of life that is entirely up to me, and you bet your sweet bippy, I’m going for it.

Back then, it was frustrating to be physically limited. No bike rides, no badminton matches, I couldn’t even walk Penny the Pug. Now the limits are different, and while I'm grateful to be healthy, it's still frustrating. We are moving into a new phase though, and just maybe in a few months, some of what we are missing will come back. In the meantime, I will be turning away from the 24-hour news cycle of death and destruction, and going for the beauty of the binge. 

 

 

 

 

Wrong You Are: There Is Always Try

“Do or do not. There is no try.”

---Yoda

 

Ok, who am I to argue with a tiny Star Wars puppet that is beloved by so many, but…sorry my little green friend, you are so wrong. Because we are on this frustrating pandemic times calendar shift, it’s finally graduation season. Well, at least it is at my house. If I might just brag for a quick second, since December, my daughter has held a co-op job at a medical practice, passed the state boards for cosmetology, passed the state written and practical exam to be an EMT, and passed the national EMT license exam. She also navigated losing her last season of track, kept up with her duties as a class officer, and arranged college classes for the fall. I mostly stood by watching, and occasionally writing a check. The rest was all her.

 

Sure, that is a lot of doing. However, if you think there was no trying behind that, you’d be wrong. Like all of us, she tried, tried, and tried again. Also, like all of us, some of what she tried didn’t work out so well. And so it goes. We were chatting about everything that’s coming up for her in the next few months, and there will be a ton of choices she has to make. It’s daunting when you think of it.

 Last week I talked about decisions, and the times we have to choose between multiple options, even when none of them are ideal. There’s a big decision coming in November, and it’s going to be wicked hard for me to look at all the facts, search my soul, and try to pick the right one. So far, I think carrot cake will be the winner. Come November 6th, my birthday cake will be carrot cake, with cream cheese frosting. Decision 2020, made.

Kidding aside, I know that the Yoda quote is supposed to be inspiring, but honestly, it’s not for me. It's like this. I’m a big fan of space exploration. The research, the cutting-edge technology, the going where no man has gone before and all the rest is exciting, and, in my opinion, crucial to our survival. The Star Wars movies get that. Sure, it's fiction, but they show us that there’s so much out there. Truly, we should be looking skyward every day and finding new ways to get to, “infinity and beyond.” Space exploration starts with someone, somewhere, saying, “What if we tried this?” If you look back at the very beginnings of NASA, there were a lot of attempts that, well, flopped. Did we stop trying? Nope.

 

As we look toward schools reopening, the economy righting itself, and a political landscape that seems fraught with peril around every corner, it’s important to remember how to try. We need to think of new ideas, even ones that sound a little off the wall. Before this year, who would have thought of a drive-by commencement? Who could have conceived of a virtual baby shower, via a Zoom video call? An event I always love to attend is Harrington Reads, at Harrington Elementary in Lynn. I get to meet young readers, authors, and educators and share what they love about literacy. This year, it went virtual. All videos, posted on YouTube. It was that or cancel it altogether. Someone was smart enough to ask, “What if we tried to…” and then made it happen. That is try. It leads to doing, but first, there is try.

 

So far no one has asked for my advice on any of the conundrums we are facing, but, for the record, here it is: There must always be a way to try. No doing can happen before we dare to try. If you’re job hunting, try looking in a field you might not have considered. If you’re facing a decision on whether or not to send your kid back to school? Try it, see what happens. If it’s not the right move, move on to another option. My father was always spewing forth what he thought were incredibly wise words. Some were, and others, not so much. One of my favorite pieces of advice from him was this: “Brenda, the only part of your life that will be carved in stone are the dates on your headstone. Everything else is up for grabs. Try it all. If one path doesn’t work, go another way. You’ll get there.”  He was so right. Let’s keep trying.

 

 

Shut It Down

“The reason we struggle with insecurity is because we compare our behind-the-scenes with everyone else’s highlight reel.”

---Stephen Furtick

Photo courtesy of Amy Bucher 

Social distancing. We all know what that is now, right? Just four months ago, some might have thought it was the new way to dump your boyfriend. No more uncomfortable talks, or claims of, “It’s not you, it’s me.” You just stop taking his calls, start going to different clubs and restaurants, and boom, done.

 Nope. If only it were that simple.  Social distancing is very generic, it's a polite way of saying, “Get the heck away from me you snoogering petri dish of peril.” It’s likely going to become the iconic phrase of 2020, and while staying at home, backing up a few feet in the grocery line, and washing your hands so often they look like chicken talons, has become our standard now, what about another kind of distancing? Has anyone considered the impact social MEDIA distancing could have?

When COVID-19 first started to ramp up, and restaurants, stores, pubs, and schools were closed, where did many of us turn?  To our digital world. To smartphones, to Tweet out every bit of outrage, disappointment, and fear. To Facebook, to post ridiculous junk science videos from YouTubers that can’t spell, but should be regarded as epidemiological experts. We researched malaria drugs to treat the virus because someone from our book group said it was real. We read “news” stories from sites that didn’t have a single editor or journalist writing or fact-checking anything, and we ran with them, plastering links all over Reddit, Tumblr, and anywhere else we could punch up on a keyboard. Then we blamed the media. Because that makes sense, right? It wasn’t us, it was them!

It’s no secret that I am a huge screen addict. Whether it’s my phone, my laptop, or my hourly Google alerts, it’s nearly constant with me, and it’s definitely been a problem from time to time. Every so often I’ve had to pull the plug, and just not engage in any of it. Normally, when I’ve stepped away it’s made me twitchy because while I’d like to call it being informed and engaged with my world, it’s really just that I’m nosier than everyone’s odd Aunt Helen, and tech-savvy enough to know how to snoop more efficiently than peering out my window with the lights off. Giving up my social media crack pipe was hard.

Then along comes the C-word. No, not that one! Corona. COVID19. The onslaught of information, misinformation, and, well, insanity, on social media became a curve no amount of isolation could flatten. Entire pages of the World Wide Web became all about mask-shaming, finger-pointing, and plain old tattling. We could instantly see that some lunatic was licking produce and posting a video of it as a “Corona challenge.” We saw armed men and women literally take to the streets to square off against nurses, who, not for nothing, had to stop caring for patients to deal with tantrums over haircuts and shoe shopping. For me, the tipping point was when some half-wit was ranting that his right to a meal at Golden Corral was more important than his elderly neighbor’s life, eloquently stating, “We’re all going to die someday anyway, why can't I have a nice meal?”

That’s when my Internet intermittent fasting plan kicked in. No, it’s not going to help me ditch the extra pounds, or repair my bank balance, but it’s done wonders for my stress level. It’s hard to stay focused and rational when you’re up to the wee small hours going down the rabbit hole of alt-whatever websites, shopping on Amazon, and Googling yet another conspiracy theory. I set up hours where no social media was allowed. I locked my phone in my desk drawer during meals. The laptop was closed and put away at 9 PM every night. OK, well, no, not every night, no one is perfect, and sure, I fell off the wagon a few times. I’m working on it. The times that I did disengage though? Those were the nights I slept better, the mornings I didn’t wake up with a pessimistic view of nearly everything. I didn’t have to look at everyone’s new hobbies, nature walks, and expert homeschooling moments and feel like an utter failure. There was way less looking around my cluttered space and comparing it to the Pinterest-perfect pantries full of kale chips and alphabetized spice racks.

Then, the unthinkable happened. I bought a puzzle. A jigsaw puzzle, with 300 pieces. Amateur hour for some, but a talented local artist, Carol Eldridge, has created one, with scenes of the harbor, sailboats, and sunny days. It should be noted, much like people who are nearsighted or can’t skip, I have almost zero ability to put together a puzzle that has more than 5 or 6 pieces. It might as well be rocket science for me. Yet that puzzle will be completed, probably this weekend. As G-d as my witness, those pieces will come together and make something suitable for framing. As we move toward opening up the outside world again, maybe we should also consider shutting down our online pursuits, or at least cutting back? That’s my plan, at least until this puzzle is done. Stay tuned, be well, and when this mess is over, come by and see the finished product!

BLUE HARBOR SCARF WORLD TOUR

Ok, not a column, but rather a journey. Not in that new-agey fake way, an actual trip. My good friend and talented artist Stephanie Krauss Verdun (http://www.stephaniekraussverdun.com/prints/6g2i3lbzfx4qi3gcibtx71lpzkbwb6) is literally off-the-hook talented. She turned some of her works into scarves and the one I like best is from her work, "Blue Harbor Kayak." It's amazing, I swear I wear it everywhere. And it's always noticed and complimented. So, recently, I took it on a Mediterranean cruise through Greece and Italy. What else would I wear? Check out how a scarf can go anywhere you want to go. Even if you never leave home.

The thing about this scarf is you can do anything with it. A cape, over the shoulders, head wrap, infinity, you name it. I stink at this, I can barely tie my shoes, so I'm not artsy with scarves, but it doesn't matter, this looks beautiful no matter what.

Here are a few of the places I took it. It made my trip so much more beautiful to stand by blue water with a piece of home.

The Artist!

The scarf!

As we left Civitavecchia, I was afraid it would blow away, it was so light and airy

In Greece, it's often required to cover your head in Orthodox churches, so I did. A woman stopped me, touched it and said, "Beautiful blue water, like our Aegean Sea"

On the balcony, as we arrive in Santorini, a Greek island accessible from our ship by tender. It was perfect for balcony days. Which were, essentially, every day. 

What's a little wind?

Who doesn't love a little balcony beverage? I've heard direct sun can interfere with how wine tastes. Blue Harbor scarf to the rescue!

I really did do more than drink and drape myself in this gorgeous scarf, but these are some of the highlights. A last toast and it was time to come home. Where is your #BlueHarbor?

The Times They Are A-Changing

“Come gather 'round people
Wherever you roam
And admit that the waters
Around you have grown
And accept it that soon
You'll be drenched to the bone.
If your time to you
Is worth savin'
Then you better start swimmin'
Or you'll sink like a stone
For the times they are a-changin'.”

--Bob Dylan

This song came up on a playlist I found on Spotify that included the songs that were popular in any given year. I chose 1964 because it’s the year I was born. Also, the last half of the 1960s fascinates me because while it was a tumultuous period in history, in so many ways, it’s also a period where my memories may or may not be accurate. It’s like I have to know what was really going on then. My parents are no longer here to tell me about what it was like having two small children toddling around while world leaders were being shot on a regular basis, some students had to go to school with armed guards around them, and, to make it interesting, astronauts were hopping around on the moon.

Change can be scary. The character of Sheldon on the show “The Big Bang Theory” is an extreme example of someone resistant to change, but it’s probably fair to say we all have a little Sheldon in us. We have our favorite spots in our favorite places, we delight in the familiarity of having a coffee, or a sandwich made just the way we like it, every time. How many of us buy the same flavor of yogurt every week? The same kind of chips or the same brand of cereal? Sure, that strawberry kiwi flavor is excellent, but would a couple of containers of peach mango kill you? So maybe you like those three little hyperactive guys on the Rice Krispie box, but take a step outside your comfort zone and have a bowl of corn flakes once in a while. Don’t be a chicken; buy the rippled chips instead of the same old kettle cooked and take a walk on the wild side.

OK, enough about the groceries, because Bob Dylan wasn’t talking about your weekly trip to Stop and Shop when he sang this song. He was saying that despite what side we stood on, we were all dangerously close to the edge of a massive leap into a stormy sea of the unknown. Sink or swim? Hmmm…sounds like a great book title…but I digress. While it may not be the 1960s anymore, it’s universally true that in any decade, year, month or week, the times are always a-changin. We don’t even have to look at the national or world stage to see it either. Been a busy week or two in local politics, hasn’t it? While it has to be difficult for those right in the thick of it, some of it had to happen. Change is a critical part of growth, and especially when it comes to educating our children, growth is essential, even when it hurts.

Change doesn’t have to be quite as earth-shattering as what was happening when Dylan sang about it though. Every day we can look for what isn’t working in our own small bubble, whether it’s a job, a home, or just a pair of shoes and shake it up. Making the world a better place doesn’t just happen with fire hoses and freedom marches, it can be as simple as volunteering for a cause you believe in, reading a book by an author you never heard of, or sitting across from someone you have nothing in common with and hearing them out. Seriously, listening to another side of an issue has literally no downside. What’s the worst that could happen, you might learn something? G-d forbid some new ideas creep into your life, anything but that!

Sarcasm aside, it’s important to remember that what’s happening now in politics, locally and otherwise, is what is supposed to happen. Dylan warns “Come senators, congressmen/Please heed the call/Don't stand in the doorway/Don't block up the hall,” but it’s good advice for all of us, not just those in Washington. He was referring to the relevant events of those turbulent years, but let’s remember, the man won a Nobel Prize. He’s not your average 60’s hippie. It must have freaked him out a little too since it took him six months to accept it. Change is all around us, so we should probably get used to it and at least try to ensure that when it does come to us, it moves us forward and makes us better.