Top Ten Pandemic Positives

Originally, I wrote this to my wonderful group of Badminton friends, because we are not playing anymore. Yes, a first world problem, and truly, I'm glad we are all being safe, but it was a chance for me to reflect on some positives.

TOP TEN BENEFITS FROM CORONA VIRUS/COVID 19

10) Clean hands. I shudder to think what has been happening before now, but thankfully, now people are doing better.

9)  I have time to declutter parts of my house. I’m not actually DOING it, mind you, but I have time.

8) The Charmin Toilet Paper Bears are now national heroes. I do so love it when a big, fat, hairy creature is recognized, it gives me hope as we exit winter and realize the damage four months of minimal shaving maintenance has done.

7) Anxiety over food shortages, illness, family members with chronic health conditions, and debate over how long germs live on surfaces has forced me to walk the feck away from social media and this is a GOOD THING.

6) I am so feckin caught up on laundry, I’ve discovered I might be a laundry savant. Could I parlay this into a job? Which I desperately need? Perhaps.

Perhaps material for medical masks?

5) I take joy in something simple like “Wanna take a ride?” “Wanna go for a walk?” Essentially, I have become my pug, Penny. Not all together a bad thing.

4) Day drinking is no longer entirely frowned upon. So far, I am resisting, but it is nice to know that if I decide to have half a glass of wine at 2pm, no one will tell me I need a meeting.

3) I’m cooking more. Wait, that isn’t really a benefit, to anyone but Stop and Shop, but it’s made me realize I can feed my family without greasy bags and pizza boxes. Winning!

2) I appreciate my friends so much more. I’m going to become one of those obnoxious huggers when this is over

1)    I realize how much I treasure a the first world pleasure of getting to gather at my badminton club, the Gut, see women who inspire me, be supported despite my level (right around an F I would say) of play, and be welcomed, every week. This was about my badminton buddies, but honestly, it transcends social groups. I am so grateful for all of my friends, even from a social distance of six feet. And completely loving that technology means I can stay, at least a little, in touch

STAYING SANE IN CORONA TIMES

“The simple fact is that each day you have a choice. You can be a germ and infect people with your negative energy, or you can be a big dose of vitamin C and infuse them with your positive energy.”

---Jon Gordon, author “The Positive Dog”

As I’m writing this, I half expect to look out my window and see Negan walking by with his barbed wire bat, because it seems like we’re all trapped in a bad episode of “The Walking Dead.” Now, full disclosure, I am not a scientist or a medical professional. I barely passed high school chemistry, and I have no idea what RNA, cell apoptosis, and virology have to do with the price of toilet paper at Market Basket. Still, if someone as unscientific as me can understand the basics of what is now a pandemic, then it shouldn’t be that hard, right? Whether you think it’s a big fat hoax or the end of days doesn’t matter. We’re all going to just have to wait and see. Here are a few tips to help you through COVID-19 without becoming a zombie snack.

• Wash your hands. It’s basic hygiene, and there shouldn’t have to be a global pandemic to get people to do it. Weren’t we already washing our hands regularly? Please tell me we haven’t all been wandering around dragging our snoogery boogery fingers all over every available surface? The stakes are a little higher now, so we need the reminders. However, there is no need to go to the store and buy 5 cases of water, 400 rolls of toilet paper, and every jug of hand sanitizer on the shelf, so you can stack it up in your garage. You’re not making yourself any safer, you just look silly. Cut it out.

• Stay home if you can. Schools have closed, some universities are extending spring breaks, and workplaces have encouraged anyone who can, to work from home. Is this an overreaction to something that is essentially a mild flu-like illness? We don’t know yet, so why not take a little time off from some of the needless running about and just stay in? Don't go full-on Bubble Boy about it, but when was the last time the whole family stayed in? Get out the board games, binge watch Netflix, make popcorn, bake cookies or just hang out. My plan is to get some closets and dressers organized…OK, that’s a lie, I have no plans to do that. I won’t be hitting up the mall or the movie theater though; I’m settling in with some Jiffy Pop and my DVD collection. 

• Check on your neighbors. Not everyone can run to BJ’s or Costco and bring home a Suburban full of granola bars and canned soup. COVID-19 is especially dangerous for the elderly or those with chronic illnesses like asthma and COPD. Look around; there is likely someone nearby that needs a pot of stew or a pan of lasagna on their doorstep. Call your friends that live alone, chat them up. You know that big square electronic thing most of us have shoved in a pocket? It can make phone calls, so reach out and touch someone, just not with your germy hands. 

• Calm the heck down. About everything. Yes, it stinks that your spring break trip is canceled, your preschoolers are home all day, and your job is a mess from trying to reschedule business trips, but did you die? If you’re reading this, no you didn’t, and I’m glad. You should be glad too. It’s a huge cluster “duck” right now in the public health arena, and everyone is impacted in some way. And so it goes. Freaking out never solves anything, so chill, if you can. There’s no need to get all bent out of shape unless Netflix goes offline, or we lose power. If that happens, I’m reaching for my bat. In the meantime, try to be as positive as you can. Be well, be nice, and be safe. 

Teach..the Children Well.....

“Teaching is the greatest act of optimism.”

---Colleen Wilcox

In June, my last child will graduate from high school. Between her and her two older brothers, there have probably been hundreds of teachers, school staff members, and other education professionals in their lives. Even the very few that were not my favorite people showed up and put the time in, every day. I always tried to recognize that, but lately, it’s become clear to me that I had no freaking idea how difficult being a teacher is.

Substitute teaching is now my newest gig. Recently, it involved spending a couple of days with kindergartners and let me tell you, that is hard labor. Their behavior was fine, no one was rude or mean. The classrooms were well-equipped, and other teachers and staff made sure to check in on me. The school day for a sub is only six hours long, but there isn’t one single second of it that isn’t busy. I literally came home and spent an hour on the couch, in a near-catatonic state, with Penny the pug glaring at me for having left her all alone for most of the day. Seriously, we are underestimating the power of six-year-old children. They could take down a squadron of tanks with their energy and determination.

In the younger classrooms, each child has a job. Line leader, messenger, snack helper, door holder, etc. Just try to get in front of a line leader, I dare you. It won’t end well for you. They guard that position for the precious few days they have it, and no one puts the line leader in a corner. Some teachers have even made the last spot in line a fun job, calling it the caboose and asking that student to shut off the lights or something. They take these roles very seriously, and it’s truly a gift to see them eager to help others and their classmates.

That’s another thing about younger kids, they haven’t figured out how to be mean yet. A child in kindergarten is all about being your friend, having a snack, playing on the swings, and reading fun books. They laugh, they skip rope, they smile at you. Sure, there are a few disputes, and some tears, but honestly, they are a great bunch of people, most of the time. They tell you the funniest stories. In one of my classes, I learned that a student’s father is 160 years old, and seven feet tall. One sweet new friend told me his mom is rich because she had forty dollars in her purse that she won on a scratch ticket. Another kid wanted to know my “real name” so I told him it was Wonder Woman but it had to be our secret. He wasn’t buying it, but he was nice about it.

A typical day in a kindergarten classroom requires efficient time management. It’s also full of short, adorable humans who can’t tie their shoes. Or tell time. Add to this mix, the fact that on any given day, there will be at least half a dozen children who are sneezing, coughing, and leaking snot all over everything. It’s not their fault, it’s just how childhood works. Parents, I beg of you, please stop complaining about sending in boxes of tissues, hand sanitizer, and antibacterial wipes. Yes, we should all reduce our consumption of paper products and plastic containers, but come on. Trust me, you want your child’s classroom to have enough of these items, otherwise, your kid won’t spend much time in school, they will be at home, sick as a dog, and you’ll spend all your time fetching them juice and freeze pops and binge-watching Paw Patrol.

To the many phenomenal teachers my children have had over the years, I now have newfound respect and admiration for all you’ve done, and continue to do. There is no mug, Yankee candle or apple-themed tacky gift that could even begin to be enough. You should all be making a million dollars a year, no joke. There is no way to say how very much you are appreciated by our family, but please know that you are. A few days of substitute teaching doesn’t make me an expert, but it did give me a real look at what we ask of our educators. Thank you, from the bottom of my heart, thank you.

Let's Go To the Movies!

“We love films and storytelling, as a people. It just a human compulsion to listen to and tell stories.”

---Mychael Danna

Back in the fall, I wrote here about the season of cheesy Christmas movies and how terrible, and yet wildly popular, they are. You would have thought I had suggested replacing the national anthem with a rousing chorus of Bon Jovi’s “Bad Medicine.” As it happens every year, Christmas came and went, the networks all made a mint on this year’s crop of candy cane crap, and now we can get back to appreciating real movies, right?

Since there was such a reaction to the holiday movie question, I decided to do a little unofficial poll about iconic movies. You know, the classics that have stood the test of time, that most people can quote lines from, that have woven their way into our lives, and that are not seasonal. It started because one of my friends said they had never seen the movie, “The Princess Bride.” While I try not to be too judgy about other people’s choices, in my head I was shrieking, “Inconceivable!” As it turns out, my list of movies that, surely, everyone must have seen, is not universal. Also, don’t call me Shirley. Bonus points for anyone who gets that reference.

The Harry Potter movies, as well as the books, are definitely iconic and will always be classics. I’ve never seen a minute of any of them, and the first paragraph of the first book was as far as I ever read. They are just not my cup of popcorn. It’s possible more than a few of my friends are now re-evaluating their decision to have me in their lives because of this. Back to Princess Buttercup, however. How is it that so many people are unaware of this movie? Ok, not unaware really, but it’s completely not true that everyone and their brother has seen it hundreds of times, can quote whole passages from it, and routinely yells at their kids as they leave for school, “Have fun storming the castle!” It was eye-opening for sure. Much like comfort food, we all have our comfort entertainment; the movies and shows that we automatically reach for when we just want to turn off all the noise of the world and escape for a bit.

Perhaps it’s the time of year that has me staring at a screen, and zoning out more than usual. January was ninety-seven days long, almost all of it in the dark, or at least it seemed that way. My time is a little less structured since I am between jobs (between jobs sounds so much better than out of a job) so there have been more opportunities to dive into my DVD collection and re-watch some favorites. Movies tell a story, and while books will always be a huge part of my life, there is something to be said for getting lost in a video voyage, especially when it’s one you’ve been on before. It’s a little like catching up with an old friend. They are always there, a click away. Saint Patrick’s Day is coming up, so that means my collection of Irish movies will be getting a workout. Ned Devine, Sean Thornton, and Michael Collins will all keep me company for a few hours, and I’m looking forward to it.

Movies are a way for us to be somewhere else for a while, without having to do the work of packing and traveling. Centuries ago, stories were passed down verbally, in families. Then came radio, where millions tuned in every week to hear comedy sketches or other adventures. Theaters were where many went to forget about the Great Depression, or the war news, though before the picture began they showed newsreels, so it wasn’t always just escapism. Now we can stream movies, or pop in a magic disc and be right in the midst of whatever our favorite story is. While everyone’s playlist is different, it’s definitely important to have a few go to films. Winter isn’t quite over, so save some time to take a break and see a few stories. If for no other reason than tucking in for an at-home cinema binge won’t expose you to the flu, Coronavirus, or having to listen to other people snapping their gum and crunching popcorn in front of you. Go ahead, break out the videos and have yourself a time. Also, if you haven’t seen it, watch “The Princess Bride.” If you don’t like it, don’t worry, I can send you the rest of my list of favorites. Happy viewing!