At Least...Lessons From Buddha, Martha, Snoopy, and Barry

"Let us rise up and be thankful, for if we didn't learn a lot today, at least we learned a little, and if we didn't learn a little, at least we didn't get sick, and if we got sick, at least we didn't die; so, let us all be thankful." – Buddha

Typically, the words "at least" annoy me because who wants to settle for the least? It's not selfish to want more of something, right? Who wouldn't want more friends and family around them, more time to enjoy life, more health, and hey, a little more money couldn't hurt either. It's Thanksgiving, so we're all thankful for these blessings, but perhaps we should give notice to the little things that, on the surface, might not seem like much, but honestly do make an impact.

So here are some less than huge parts of this past year that have me giving thanks — the "small plates" version of a big turkey dinner.

My Snoopy blanket. Sure, it's a regular fleece blanket that's soft and warm and does what it's supposed to, big whoop. No, it's not a mink coat, but then again, no tiny cute animals had to die to make it, so there's that. Also, Snoopy. How can you not smile, at least a little, when you are kept warm by a smiling little dog dressed like a World War I pilot, flying around on a dog house? Snoopy makes my gratitude list this year, especially since he's coming back to the Macy's parade on Thanksgiving Day.

Martha Chicken and Sparkle Buddha: No, really, I haven't started in on the eggnog, these are real items. Martha Chicken is a ridiculous little metal hen that sits on my desk. I found her in a thrift store, sitting on a shelf and, well, she came home with me. I've forgotten how she got her name, but there she is, quietly watching over me. She is Sparkle Buddha's companion as well; he's right next to her. Sparkle Buddha is porcelain, has glitter on his big belly, wears eye make-up, and several children are climbing on him. He was a yard sale find, and, like Martha, watches over me. I spend a lot of time at my desk, so having my two little friends right here makes me happy. Every now and then, I say, "So Martha, what do you think about…" or "Hey, Sparkle Buddha, what's happening?" but they never answer. Still, I'm thankful for both of them, even if it does make me sound like a huge dork.

Barry's Irish Tea: No, I didn't steal tea from some guy named Barry. It's an Irish company that makes the best tea ever. The bags don't have annoying little strings on them, with trite sayings, which is a big part of why I am grateful for them. I don't need my drink giving me life advice; it just needs to go in a cup with a little sugar. Coffee is great to wake up with; there's no reasoning with me until I've had my morning crack, but tea is for calming down. Tea signals a small break, where I put aside the work, find a cookie or other nibble, and zone out for a few minutes. The blend is just perfect, no herbs, no sticks, and twigs, just a nice cuppa. 

Naturally, there is more than a blanket, a tea bag, and some knick-knacks that I'm thankful for this year, but sometimes these small items get overlooked. At least? Well, there is nothing lesser about Snoopy, Martha, Sparkle Buddha, or Barry, especially not to me. Often, we are so caught up in the big parts of life that we can forget the smaller pieces, but honestly, on some days, it's the seemingly insignificant items that are keeping us together. Look around your table this year, and when you're done being thankful for the food, friends, and family, maybe give a little gratitude for something that makes you happy when you remember to notice it. Happy Thanksgiving from my gang and me!

Love,

Snoopy, Martha, Sparkle Buddha, and some guy named Barry

But Wait! There's More!

“Life’s a pitch and then you buy.”

----Billy Mays

We’ve all seen those ads on late night television. There’s a product that someone is screaming about, urging you to call immediately and get yours because “Operators are standing by.” When I was little I always felt bad for the operators having to stand around waiting for a call in the middle of the night like some retail army waiting for orders. Most of the products advertised in these infomercials are really, well, kind of useless. This column featured the topic of useless talents awhile back and while I will always believe being able to play the William Tell Overture on your snapping fingers is far from useless, the fact remains that some of these “As Seen on TV” products are pretty ridiculous.

What I can’t understand however is why they sell so well.  Much of the success has to lie in the advertising. Most of the ads run late at night, and most people who are awake at those hours and are watching television are probably already susceptible to a pitch. A few years ago I was awake one night, with a hellish cold and a colicky child both of which together had me within spitting distance of a full on meltdown.

So, I switched on the television to drown out the screeching and the sniffling, which at one point, were both coming from me. There in the blue haze of the wee small hours, when all I wanted to do was believe in something bigger than myself was just what I needed---a fat magnet. No word of it a lie, I was dialing furiously because those operators were standing by, ready! I realize now that fat is not magnetic and this stupid thing that I was supposed to stick in my stewpot wasn’t going to help. Not to mention whenever these ads show someone trying to prepare dinner or have a snack without the miracle product, the actors would have you believe frying an egg without a space age non stick pan is a deadly accident waiting to happen and getting yourself a snack is impossible without an Ov-Glove, a Snack-eez cup and a Snuggie blanket with sleeves.

So fine, the ads suck us in, it happens. These products though, almost never work the way they say they do. Case in point, that spray on hair in a can from Ronco. Guys, listen up. If you’re losing your hair, go commando and shave it all off. Bald is beautiful! Do not buy a can of paint and spray it on your noggin, you are fooling no one.  Girls, you all are guilty too. Do you really believe that a facemask with some Christmas lights on it is going to make you look as young as Krystle from Dynasty? Dynasty was a long time ago; we all age (if we’re lucky) so put down the hockey mask and just wear big sunglasses.  Most of these products are so awful, and yet, sell like hotcakes. Also, there’s a hotcake maker that sells like…well never mind.

Thinking perhaps that I was just being a cynical cranky person, I checked with some friends and they are with me on this. We couldn’t think up a single product that was actually worth getting. But wait…there’s more! Pajama jeans? Really? Why are these a thing? Check out the aisles of the grocery store, plenty of people are wandering around in real pajamas, no need to get pajama jeans. Any gadget that makes only one thing is also pretty silly. For example, a friend sent me a link to a “Retro Pop Up Hot Dog Maker.” Now you can have hot dogs that pop up like toast. Excuse me; if you want to go “retro” to cook a hot dog get a stick and some firewood. Once you have the fire going you won’t need the S’Mores maker either ($29.95 plus S/H, not sold in stores) and you can use the same stick for the marshmallows.

Many of you are cooking big meals today. Potatoes have to be peeled and mashed, birds must be basted and vegetables chopped, but the gadgets aren’t what will make your day. Slicing and dicing, mincing and mashing, crying and drinking (OK that might just be me) to get all that food on your table isn’t nearly as important as who is at your table. Happy Thanksgiving. Enjoy the day.