Virtual Manners

"Manners are the sensitive awareness of others. If you have that awareness, you have good manners, no matter what fork you use."

---Emily Post

There is no one more well-known for manners and etiquette than Emily Post. She literally wrote the book on it, and much of what she explained has become the standard, worldwide, for how to behave in certain situations. I wonder though, if Mrs. Post could ever have imagined the high-tech world we live in now? She died in 1960, at the age of 87, having lived a most amazing life, but how would she advise us now? With cell phones, GPS devices, and laptops being as common as hatpins and pocket watches were in her day, what would she have to say about how all that impacts etiquette, manners, and the social scene?

I am the last person to ask about proper manners since many of the rules are about events and situations I'm not usually involved in, but I've managed to not get tossed out of tea with the Queen. Mostly because I've never been invited unless you count that drag show I went to in New Orleans, but whatever. Post was right when she said that it's really about awareness. Not only now, in these odd times of quarantine rules, but always. Some people walk around encased in a bubble of oblivion, completely unaware, seemingly, that there are other people in the world. We all see it, every day. The rude driver that cuts you off for a parking space, the obnoxious person in the market who blocks every aisle, while yapping on an iPhone, that one person that just has to spread their stuff all over the seats on the train, while people are standing. These winners have their heads up their…well, never mind where, but it's not sunny. Just a little awareness would go a long way, right?

As our world evolves, and changes, etiquette would have to as well, and it has. I was researching and found quite a bit of good information about technology manners, especially since so many of us are working from home these days. Let's start with meetings. To be safer, lots of meetings are going virtual, and it's going to take some getting used to. Here 

are a few tips for managing online meetings. 

·      Know your platform. Signing on to a video conference can be complicated.  WiFi speed, location, laptop, and software are all going to be different for everyone, so if you're supposed to be on a call at 2 pm on a Tuesday, spend a little time before the call (well before, not five minutes) understanding how to log on, and use the interface. Don't be that one person in the meeting who is squinting at the screen, hollering "I can't hear anyone, can you hear me? Why is my screen black, what's a chatbox?" Every online meeting platform has instructions on how to use them. Read up.

·      Slow down. There is almost always a delay in the audio or video, so cross talk is going to happen. With everyone not in the same room, it's hard to tell whose turn it is to talk so be mindful of that. I don't know about anyone else, but being forced to have a delay of a few seconds before I say something has been good for me. Perhaps this will curb my habit of blurting out statements that never should have entered my mind, much less have been uttered out loud.

·      It's not show and tell. In an actual conference room, no one pulls their cat out of their briefcase and tells everyone how Mr. Snuffles is feeling that day. No one wants to see your collection of Franklin Mint snow babies, or your sink full of dishes. It's also not lunchtime. Webcams are cruel, they show every line, shadow, and double chin. Add a tuna sandwich and chips to the static that comes with most computer microphones and you're going to look and sound like Cookie Monster in a chocolate chip frenzy. You can eat later, off-camera, because truly, no one wants to see and hear your snack attack.

It really is just about taking a look around and considering others, even if they are just a square on a video screen. We all have to adjust to a new normal that is everything but ordinary. While so much has changed, one part that remains the same is that we all need to work together at whatever we do, in business, in education, in our families. It doesn't have to involve a finger bowl and a seventeen-piece place setting of flatware to be good manners. Sometimes it's just knowing where the mute button is and using it. I've been working on that my whole life, maybe this experience will help? It never hurts to be more aware of those around us, right? Be well.

Live From a Kitchen Near You

“Cooking is the art of adjustment.”

---Jacques Pepin

Adjustment? No, I’m sorry, I am horribly maladjusted (or so I am told), so perhaps this has been the problem in the kitchen for me. It’s not that I don’t try hard. I do try. What I lack in skill I make up for in effort and the ability to put out a fire. There are kids to be fed in my family; takeout and cereal are not proper meals, at least not every day. Recently though, I challenged myself. A good friend is an excellent cook, foodie, blogger, and social media maven. Jessica Alves has it going on in the kitchen, from simple to elegant and everything in between.

She recently started hosting Facebook live videos from her kitchen with fun recipes that can feed a crowd or just a couple of preschoolers. Honestly, a couple of preschoolers is a crowd, and they can turn on you fast. She asked if I would be a guest on one of the videos. Her current project is about waffles. Not those frozen Frisbees, but genuine, homemade waffles. She can do anything with them; it’s quite something. The problem, for me anyway, was that I would be entering into a Holy Trinity of danger if I agreed. There would be open flames, sharp knives and a video camera aimed at me. I don’t do well with any of those. Not to brag, but I don’t even have to touch a pan or a utensil to have a near-death experience in a kitchen. I suffered a concussion just from mopping the floor in my kitchen. A track light exploded over my head once, because that is the kind of luck I have, and I nearly lost an eye. I accidentally killed a goldfish in my garbage disposal; it’s a long story, but the gist of it is, don’t clean a fish tank in the kitchen sink. The floor at my badminton club is still sticky from the Great Caramel Sauce Incident of 2012. But hey, I have red shoes, what could go wrong?

Still, I was intrigued, so, like many of the adventures people ask me to go on, my answer is eventually, “Ok, why the hell not?” We agreed on a date, and that was that. Until it was fast approaching on my calendar and then began the wailing and gnashing of teeth. What was I going to wear? Did they make aprons that would cover up the evidence of a well-fed summer of fried clams and soft-serve? I don’t own anything flame retardant or camera ready. What about my hair? I tie it back when I cook because burnt hair stinks up the kitchen, but it’s not a good look for a close-up. Thanks to another good friend, I found an apron, and she monogrammed it for me, in case there was some disfiguring accident, the EMTs would know it was me by my initials. Jessica had the food all handled; my job was just to show up and help. I even wore lipstick, because I could hear my mother’s voice in my head, “Would a little lipstick kill you? You’re gonna have your picture taken!”

I showed up at the right time and on the right day, an accomplishment in itself. It was go time! Jessica’s kitchen is organized and looks like a magazine layout of some celebrity’s home. She got the camera rolling and there we were. Making angel food cake waffles, with maple sauce and roasted fruit. You can roast fruit, who knew? Ok, everyone but me.  My first job was to slice up the cake. Check that off the list; no blood was spilled. So far, so good. Then, for the sauce, I had to boil maple syrup and sugar. In a pan, over a gas flame. Another home run! I stirred, it foamed, it caramelized, it was a thing of beauty. No burns, no spills. Melted butter had to be brushed on the cake slices and the waffle iron. Pro tip: Waffle irons are hot and melted butter is slippery. Still, no incidents! I was cooking with gas, literally! Dusting waffles with a dredge (great word!) of cinnamon and a mere splash of butter. Plating fruit. But wait, there’s more! Whipped coconut cream. If you keep a can of it in the fridge, you can beat it into a smooth topping that tastes amazing. The mixer was humming, the waffles were sizzling, and I didn’t burn the fruit. Truth be told, that’s because Jessica did that part, but, moving on, what about the video you ask?

Well. It turns out that I am not good at knowing where to put my arms, they just flap around. On film, it appears as if I have restless elbow syndrome, but I’m working on that. We won’t discuss the fact that the camera adds 80 pounds. People say it’s ten, but that is a vicious lie. Couldn't I just hide?

 Also, in a Facebook video people watching can comment during the broadcast. Except I couldn’t see the comments since I was busy licking the coconut cream mixing bowl. I’m a class act for sure. Finally, whenever I have to speak around or to people I don’t know, I make a concerted effort not to sound like my Aunt MAHHHHGAHRET from DAW-CHESTAH. Except for this time. Holy Masshole Batman, it was wicked pissah. I did avoid dropping any F-bombs though, and if you know me, you know that’s a win.

All in all, it was seriously fun and surprisingly safe considering a kitchen is pretty much the Bermuda Triangle for me. Check out Jessica’s website at https://atasteforliving.com/blog/ for awesome recipes and videos. I will be back, stay tuned. Jessica's blog can be found here

https://atasteforliving.com/blog/ and the video is hosted here