“If can, can. If no can, no can.”
---Hawaiian proverb
A good friend who lives in Hawaii mentioned this saying
recently. We were talking about how hectic the holidays can be and how we’re
all making lists, just like Santa, but of course we don’t all have a magic
sleigh and eight tiny reindeer to pull an all-nighter and get it all done.
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| Photo courtesy of Dianne Silver, Hawaii |
Lists
are a thing with me. On my best day, my organizational skills are severely lacking,
making lists, even if they are only on small sticky notes slapped haphazardly
around the house, keeps me just barely in the ballpark of being on the ball.
The hard truth is, however, that except for Santa, no one checks off every last
item on their to-do list. A list isn’t ever carved in stone, there are always
more chores to go on it.
The problem becomes that some of us can get tied to a list,
to a schedule, to the clock that ticks away faster and faster every day. We can
almost live and die over a train being 10 minutes late or a traffic jam that
keeps us from checking off another chore on the list. Here’s a pro tip: there
is always traffic. The trains are always late. If can, can…
As many of us do at the end of December, I’m looking back at
the long list of items I checked off in the last year, and looking ahead to the
hundreds of list items that will show up in the new year. Honestly, I am trying not to make it about
keeping score, but, well, the math isn’t working that well for me. There always
seem to be way more unchecked and undone items. Every now and then when it gets
a bit overwhelming, I try to think of something that got done that day, but was
not on the list. Then I add it to the list and check it off. It’s sometimes the
little lies we tell ourselves that can save the day, and this one seems
harmless enough, right? If can, can.
What happens, though, when our waking hours become a series
of tasks, appointments, assignments, and errands? Should we have to fit in
normal life moments like catching up with a kid over ice cream or seeing a
friend for lunch? Granted, it’s important to keep track of time and
commitments, but relegating these small moments to a list of chores feels
wrong. There’s a multi-million dollar industry that sells organizers, day
planners, smartphone apps, and everything else to keep our timetables humming,
but it’s eventually going to hit critical mass and then? No can…
One item that is going on the top of my list, and likely
will not get checked off, is to work harder at accepting the no can moments.
Because they will come, daily probably, so it’s best to realize they are a part
of the whole and not a roadblock. What most of us do entirely too much of is
look around at everyone else’s lists. Isn’t it enough to have to deal with our
own line items? While it’s one thing, to learn from others, and borrow any
strategies we find that could work for us, that’s not usually what happens. Too
often we look only to compare, not to learn, and then we decide that everyone
else is more efficient, smarter, and more accomplished than we could ever be.
That, my friends, is whacked. Stressing out because we aren’t where someone
else is? No can…
I don’t make New Year’s resolutions, because honestly,
January doesn’t say “New beginnings” to me, but rather with its howling winds
and snow banks, it screams in my face, “It’s mid-winter and Christmas is over,
what are you gonna do it about it?” Guess what? No can. This year, perhaps
without making it a formal resolution, there will be more list items left
undone and less stress about them. That’s the plan, anyway. If can, can.
