Zooming Along

"Life is about perspective and how you look at something…ultimately you have to zoom out.” ---Whitney Wolfe Herd 

 Remember back in the day when your parents would tell you how lucky you were? How many starving children there were in (insert faraway location here) and how fortunate you were to have a home, and food, and clothes? While it’s true that daily gratitude can improve your mood and lessen the chance of you having an epic fit in the paper towel aisle, it's a fact that gratitude is in shorter supply now than bleach wipes and Chromebooks. We've passed the early stages of the pandemic when we were mostly fine to stay home, wear the mask and wait it out. We were in it together, right? Summer was coming, the heat would kill the virus and it would just go away. 

Well, things change. 

 The nip of fall is in the air now though, and people are so damn tired of all of this. Outdoor cafes will start to close in a month or so; the reality of a New England Fall, with winter weather on its way, means sitting oceanside for a plate of clams is in the rearview. So, what’s ahead? Remote learning, flu season, less sunlight, more snowstorms, and I think the news said there is also a large asteroid headed straight for Earth in early November. We can all be forgiven for not being able to find gratitude in that dark mix. I'm in the bargaining stage right now, "OK, listen up here Universe, if I promise not to complain about the weather, the masks, the TP, and the flu, and also do better with recycling, do you promise to re-route the asteroid? Lemme know, k?" This week though, due to the Facebook function that shows me what I was doing on a certain date in other years, I found the following post about the silly complaints of some parents I knew. 

 1) A teacher asked college students to think up a funny title for an essay, something to make them laugh. Much gnashing of teeth and wailing ensued from parents who thought it was completely inappropriate to require a one-liner title at the LAST MINUTE. One mom is convinced her child will be ‘up all night’ and tearfully asked, ‘What are we doing to these kids?’ 2) Another kid is traumatized (the parent's word) because the school counselor suggested the kid should be the one handling college applications and interviews. 3) A parent insisting that they must oversee grades and have weekly conversations with her college sophomore's professors and residence hall staff because ‘I’m the customer, I’m paying the bills, they work for me.’ 4) A parent that refused to let her high-achieving, never in trouble kid, go back to college unless they agreed to a phone tracker, a car speed monitor, and daily 30 minute FaceTime check-in visits. 

 

Seems kind of stupid given what parents are dealing with now, right? Tracker mom seems especially off the chain, because at 20 years old, the kid who has never put a foot wrong, been in trouble, or gotten anything less than A, doesn’t need an ankle bracelet and a probation officer parent. While Facebook is something I’m trying to limit, because it really can be quite a sewer sometimes, the Memories feature does offer the opportunity to “zoom out” and gain a better perspective. Back in April, a post came up that had me in a silly selfie, wearing a surgical mask at the doctor. Turns out, I had the flu. So, a year later, swamped in a pandemic that is way worse than the flu, sure, I might still wear a mask, but I’m healthy, so that’s good, right? 

 It’s not just parents that are struggling to find the gratitude in their attitude. It’s all of us, though I do feel like right now, as we begin getting back to education, parents (and educators too!) are under a buttload of stress. There’s also an election looming that will impact all of us. I'm no political scholar, but I can't recall an election that has been this divisive, this anxiety-inducing, this…well…FUBAR’d. We all need that wide-angle view about now. Those curved mirrors that they put on blind corners, so you can see what's coming at you? Wouldn't it be awesome if they worked as a harbinger of other matters? Wouldn't just a small glimpse at what's coming up be helpful? There's almost no way to tell if the light at the end of a tunnel is a new day or an oncoming train. For now, while I've never been a fan of looking backward, I will definitely try to widen my view a little and not focus so much on the stressful parts but rather try to zoom out and include happier parts, like the sound of seagulls I can hear in my yard, my neighbor having his windows open when he plays the piano, and maybe one last plate of clams before the chill makes it impossible.

The Real Cold War

“Kitchens should be designed around what's truly important-fun, food, and life.”

---Daniel Boulud

 I really like fun, food, and life. I mean, who doesn’t, right? It’s just difficult to make it happen in my kitchen. First, there is the issue of safety. There have been fires, concussions, slips, falls, near misses with the knives, and at least one small explosion. In my defense, the explosion was a faulty electrical socket. The rest? Ya, that was all me. Besides the safety aspect there is the fact that cooking isn’t my strong suit, organization eludes me, and I definitely get way too much takeout. When you have forty-seven packets of soy sauce and more than a few containers of duck sauce, it’s time to lay off the Pu Pu platters and have a salad once in a while.

This past week, my faithful refrigerator breathed its last. It shuffled off the mortal cooling coil and became bereft of life, after having a massive ice maker malfunction that was almost as epic as the calving of the glaciers I saw once in Alaska. The hunt was on to replace it, but before that, there were all the usual kitchen nightmares. Cleaning up melted ice cream, finding a place to store food, and disconnecting the water line became urgent tasks. There was also the stark realization that the rear corners of my fridge were populated with at least a dozen bottles of old salad dressing,  three expired blocks of cream cheese, and some shriveled up veggies that might have been cherry tomatoes at one point but were now some new species of petrified produce. Who knows what evil lurks in the bottom bin of a side-by-side? I do, and it’s not pretty. I watched the video below, and all due respect, she knows her stuff, but I kind of wanted to shove this overly organized, way too happy, neat freak into the deep freeze. 

You’d think purchasing a fridge wouldn’t be that challenging, but you’d be wrong. They have them with TVs on the front, others have remote control temperature settings from a smartphone app. They make fridges that are WiFi-enabled; some have a door within a door, which is some kind of culinary sorcery that makes me question everything I ever knew about condiments and ideal temperatures for dairy. Lucky for me, most of the ones with all the bells and whistles were out of my price range and too big for my space. Oh, and bells and whistles? That’s a literal term, not an expression. One model has a bell that chimes if the door is left open too long. Another has a high-pitched whistle to indicate when the ice maker is done. I passed on those features, because honestly, there’s enough on my plate right now, without my appliances freaking out on me too.

Thankfully, the Internet kept me from having to brave the big box stores unaware of everything I should be considering. Comparing models on websites, I was able to narrow it down to two units that were priced right, would fit, and didn’t require an engineering degree to set up. Math and finance are not areas in which I excel, so for the longest time, there was no way I could understand why the larger of the two fridges was less expensive. Apparently, in the appliance world, size doesn’t matter.  The more expensive one had an additional bin, even though it had less space, and that was the deciding factor. When it comes right down to it, every refrigerator needs a deli drawer, OK? Where else would you put the turkey, the cold cuts, and the cheese?

Delivery day arrived, and the old fridge was dispatched to the appliance graveyard, and the new one was installed. Then the games began. Milk jug Jenga, tomato Tetris, and, the ever-popular soda Suduko. As it turns out, there are tons of web pages to help. One friend, who is a professional chef sent me a graphic of where foods should go based on cooking temperatures and other factors so you don’t poison your cottage cheese when bloody steak juice drips on it. It’s a miracle I’ve not given anyone salmonella all these years because putting fresh haddock next to ground beef is a bad idea.

Sing it with me..."Hotttttt......pockets!"

Finally, everything is now neatly squared away. The ice maker and water dispenser are humming along, and the light works. But wait, there’s more!  My old fridge was stainless steel, which wasn’t magnetic, so for years I had no way to hang up those school pics, and important notices. This one is magnetic, while also being the shiny, silvery stainless steel that I love. Life is good. There is healthy food in my home, nothing is leaking (well, except my wallet) and one small section of my life is neat and orderly. Who wants some ice-cold milk and a cookie? Come on by!

Temptation

 "I can resist everything except temptation."

---Oscar Wilde

Temptation is a funny concept. There's a belief that temptation, of any kind, is bad. It's some shadowy emotion, leading you to the dark side, drawing you away from everything good, and on to a path of destruction and despair. Honestly though, is every temptation such a big, fat, hairy deal? Aren't we faced with small temptations every day, that, really won't kill us, but probably don't do us any good either? 

Some will tell you that willpower is the solution. That you just have to be strong enough to resist some urges. Well, I agree that it takes a strong person to turn away from something that appears to be shiny and happy and fun. Not everyone can do that. Large issues like addiction, alcohol abuse, and risky behavior are extremely hard to kick for millions. To those who fight the good fight every day to stay clean, sober, and safe, my heart is with you. You're all heroes, even when you slip up. 

That leaves the smaller temptations that we all come across every day. The bag of chips. The candy bar. The pair of red shoes that look so good, and so what if you already have lots of red shoes, you don't have THESE red shoes and…OK, wait, that's just me. Still, we all have something that maybe isn't the best choice, but darn it, it's what we want. Now!

I suppose we could blame the pandemic. Many of us have been shut up in the house, stuck on Zoom meetings. Kids are missing school, camp, and milestones like graduations and proms. Businesses are closed, or severely limited in capacity, so we can't gather as we used to do, socializing over a Bloody or a cup of chowder. There are sports on TV, but we can't go see a game live. Concerts are over unless you count Keytar Bear at Park St in Boston. It's been a long haul, hasn't it? One would think that when bars were closed, clubs were shuttered, and restaurants were left empty, that the temptation to party and overdo would be gone, right? 

Not so much. 

In my house, I've still managed to fall into temptation, and I'm not alone in that. When you're all bummed out about a canceled vacation or a postponed party, it's easy to say, "Why shouldn't I bake three dozen brownies; I deserve something fun, right?" The thing is, those three dozen brownies aren't going to the breakroom at work or a neighborhood potluck. They're going to sit on your kitchen counter and mock you, incessantly, until you have to end them. With a big glass of milk, while binge-watching some Real Housewives. Hey, I don't make the rules, OK? But this is what will happen, if not with brownies and bad television, with something else, like online shopping late at night, or annoying people on social media just because you're spoiling for a fight. Don't deny it; don't say, "Oh, not me." Yes, you, me, and just about everyone else I know has come up against some kind of temptation over these last few months. 

My brownies never look this good, but they go down well

It's not all about the virus and being cooped up, though. I've never been able to keep potato chips in my house. Not any kind of chips. For years, I would buy the cheap chips, the ones that were all broken and dry, thinking "OK, if I buy these, I will have a few with my sandwich, but I won't go overboard." Oh, the lies we tell ourselves. My house is a no-chip zone. Except for last week, and well…we are not going to discuss that. Yes, denial is the twin sister of temptation, and both of those chicks need to go find someone else to peck at.

I suppose chips are not the worst thing to be powerless against, but still, it does annoy me that a soggy bag of fried starch is almost like Kryptonite was for Superman. I don't want to brag, but I've handled bigger crises than a bag of Ruffles and I'm still standing. I have to think that giving in, once in a while, isn't the end of the world. There have been days when I believed everyone needed a high five. To the face. With a hockey stick. I was able to resist that temptation, every time. So, is a bag of chips really so bad? Of course not. 

Now and then, something has to give. No one can hold out 100% of the time against every challenge. My daughter is very good at keeping me on the right track. If she is in the grocery store with me, the Ruffles do not wind up in our cart. Neither do the Tate's chocolate chip cookies. She's my favorite buzzkill. She also will keep me from steering the car into the drive-thru for Mickey Ds French fries, another disciplinary failure of mine…most of the time that is. Every so often, I get the fries. I order the shoes. I buy the chips (and the cookies too) because they're delicious. Life is tough, so, if some small, but guilty pleasure is tugging at you, and it won't ruin your life, your bank account, or your health? Go for it. 

Small Efforts Matter

 “Success is the sum of small efforts repeated day in and day out.”  - Robert Collier

Big things and little things, doesn’t it seem like that’s how we sort our lives out? Pandemic? That’s a big thing. Re-opening schools, also pretty big. Someone walking down a public street while being black? So not a big deal. Well, it shouldn’t be, but recently it was. The fact that one person did pick up the phone to report another person as suspicious because of their skin color is pretty big. Who does that? I wish I could say it was just a fluke, but it’s not. Calls like that happen every day, in small towns and big cities. What is the thought process that goes into making a call like that? Who thinks, “A brown person? OMG, I better call the cops!”  Never mind, I do not want to know, it would probably make me cranky, and almost no one enjoys that.

 

It’s hard not to get mired down in small, petty problems. Crankiness is not just a problem at my house; I think we are all pretty close to melting down and lashing out. Social media is full of arguments on the schools, public health, the upcoming election, masks, distancing, and so much else. People are screeching at each over their keyboards making every noisy kid party and every pick-up basketball game a “Get off my lawn” moment.  We’re all going from zero to sixty in a nanosecond. Guess what? The last straw is something nearly insignificant, but when you hit critical mass, emotionally, that last straw feels like someone dropped an anvil on your foot.

 

Recently, a very close friend got a frightening medical diagnosis. Do you want to talk big thing, versus little? This was big. Huge, even. There’s a plan in place, however, and it will all be fine because quite frankly, everyone who knows her will make sure of it. How will we do that? My bet is that it will be a long string of small moments and little gestures. Help with carpools, bringing a meal, picking a bunch of flowers and sticking them in a red Solo cup just for fun.

There’s probably some complicated math equation that has to be solved, some kind of ratio of how many kind moments, how many tiny efforts we have to make to shrink a big problem into something that can be dealt with easier. Think about it. On the one hand, we have this major virus happening. COVID rules our world now. It’s overwhelming and scary, and it touches every single part of our lives. What’s the answer? I have no idea. What I do know, however, is that every time someone shows me a kindness, no matter how small, it makes the larger issue a little easier to bear. There is immeasurable value in finding a box of tea, or a pan of brownies on your doorstep. Will brownies and chamomile solve the world’s problems? No, of course not. But when they come from someone who sees what you’re going through and understands that you just need that one small, bright moment? It can light up your world.

 

If we consider every major world problem or crisis, we find that matters like pandemics, wars, economic issues, and environmental concerns need big solutions, with lots of moving parts, thousands of people involved, millions of dollars, and usually years to come to fruition. That’s just reality.  Know what else is true? Enmeshed in all of these really big, really serious undertakings, are a ton of very small efforts, that might not always seem relevant. They are though. They are like small anchors that prevent us from getting swept away by a rogue wave.

 

If we get so overwhelmed by a problem that we can’t imagine what big steps to take, I’d say to take a few small steps first. Is there someone you know you can bounce ideas off? Bring them a coffee, sit down for a few, and tell them everything. You’d be surprised what you can gain from that. Is a friend facing something unimaginable, and you want to just make it all better, but you can’t? Show up with cookies. Seriously, isn’t everyone baking up a storm in the pandemic? You probably have a few sacks of flour and some chocolate chips in your cupboard, right? Make the cookies.

 

Sometimes you don’t need to fix every part of every problem. Sometimes small efforts really do add up to more than the whole. Ya, the math people will say that’s not true, but trust me, it is, especially now. No effort is too small if the goal is to help make a situation better.

Food, Family, and Being a Regular

“I miss the banter with friends and family, which more often than not takes place within the confines of a decent public house. So I miss the pubs.”

—Chris Vance

 

Ok, full disclosure, I had to look up who Chris Vance is. Turns out he’s an actor, from England. Well, I guess if you can’t be Irish, that’s close enough. He’s right about the pubs though. Having a regular place to go to, where they remember you, where your friends hang out, and you don’t even have to look at a menu, because you know what they have is priceless. Sometimes, if you are a true regular, they start making your order when you walk in the door. It doesn’t even have to be a pub, though. I am a fan of small pubs where they greet me like family, but honestly, if you have a favorite coffee shop, bistro, or diner, it’s the same thing. It’s knowing that when you walk in the door, you’ll be among friends. You’ll get asked about your kids, your dog, your day. The waitress will remember that you like extra cream in your coffee, which will probably be waiting for you at your regular spot. Having a spot is important if you’re going to be a regular. Every old sitcom that has a restaurant or a bar in it shows the characters always sitting in the same place. Norm at Cheers, Seinfeld at “The Restaurant,” and of course the iconic orange couch from “Friends” that was magically always available, despite being the best seat in a crowded coffee shop. Having a spot means that you sort of own a tiny bit of real estate in a favorite place. It’s an honor that comes with the designation of being a regular.

Luckily there are a lot of local pubs and restaurants around that I like, and that, to their credit, keep letting me come back. There is no place like The Barnacle in a storm, the Muffin Shop lobster rolls are perfection, and Scott and Emily at Sea Salt know just how I like my lettuce wraps. Years ago, when the Salem Diner wasn’t just a write-off for the university and was actually owned by a real family, it was my first stop most mornings. Before anyone was awake, I’d creep out of the house and go there for a coffee, at my favorite spot at the counter. I’d catch up with the owner, chat with other regulars, and start my day on a positive note of community and connection. 

I thought I wouldn’t find another spot like that for coffee, but luckily, a cafe opened up in Swampscott, with delicious food, excellent service, and people that know me and welcome me. Cafe Avellino’s owner Teresa Siriagno has saved my bacon (or should I say prosciutto) more than once with takeout family meals, good music, and a place to sit and chat with new friends and old friends. It was especially nice when a storm knocked power out at our house, but Teresa was open and made room for us to have a hot meal, a cold drink, and charge up our phones.

 

What’s even better than a really nice Italian place, that has good coffee, authentic cannoli, and is across from a beach? A sister restaurant, right downtown Marblehead! La Sirena is the second spot opened by Teresa, and it’s been a most welcome addition to a street of fun shops, and locals. La Sirena also has live music, well, at least it did in the “Before Times” when you could sing and play the harmonica without it being a hazmat event. The pandemic has been hellish for restaurants, pubs, and coffee shops. Many have closed their doors and may not open again. 

 

Teresa has met the challenge head-on, however, and when she couldn’t hire a band and host people, she turned to family meals and take out. Remember back in April and May, when going to the grocery store was like some kind of decathlon of obstacles, stress, and fear? That’s when Cafe Avellino became the lifeboat that kept my family from drowning in yet another boxed rice and dried out chicken. Teresa knew that family meals that come ready to eat, with crusty bread and good sauce are a bright spot on the dark days. I did my part by telling everyone I knew (and even a few random strangers) to go get some of her food, and it turns out there were so many customers from Marblehead going over the line to Swampscott, that she just had to make it happen here too. La Sirena is becoming a one-stop-shop for fresh pastry, gourmet coffee, small bites, and family meals. I’m so happy I can stay here in the ‘Head to get my favorite food, because, hey, there’s still that Marblehead/Swampscott rivalry thing, so staying local matters. Stop by La Sirena soon, get some good food, and say “Benvenuta” to Teresa.

 

 

 

 

 

 

The Binge, Revisited

 “Netflix gives you 15 seconds between episodes to decide whether or not you’re doing anything with your life today”

--- Internet Meme

Image by Rob Dobi via https://bit.ly/2PT63qy

 

A little over five years ago, I was stuck at home, unable to go out because of a health issue. No, there wasn’t a pandemic, everyone else was out and about, eating in restaurants, shopping in stores, and going barefaced. My issue was a new hip, and honestly, at least back then I had an excuse to lie around and be unproductive. Now? We’ve reached the Pinterest portion of the pandemic, and everyone is all over social media By everyone, I mean, not me. Sorry, but artisanal bread, kale chips, and gourmet chick pea salad is not how I roll, even if I am trapped in the house.

 

Initially, I bought a few sacks of flour, collected enough butter and eggs to choke a horse, and stockpiled a collection of Tasty and Buzzfeed food videos of deliciously decadent treats. Haven’t made any of them yet. The reason? I've fallen down the rabbit hole of online streaming. Between Hulu, Netflix, YouTube, and Amazon Prime, there are several thousand movies and shows to choose from, and honestly, binge-watching has become my video Valium of sorts. If I can’t sleep, Mary Tyler Moore, James Bond, Bob Newhart, and classic film noir movies are always there for me.

 

Five years ago, I wrote about the beauty of the binge, and how when there is downtime, it helps to have a distraction. In 2015, I wrote:

“What’s the answer? A good binge, that’s what. Now before you think anything untoward, I am not talking about vodka or chocolate cake. The new “Lost Weekend” is known as “binge-watching” and it’s perfect for those times when you don’t want to deal with the crapfest that passes for entertainment on some networks. There are a lot of ways to binge-watch too, depending on what you have available.”

That is still mostly true, except now, the crapfest is, sadly, the national news. It seems that everything is blowing up, from COVID numbers to fireworks factories, and Twitter rants, and that gets old after a while. Back then, however, if I couldn’t find something good online, there was Chet’s Video, with their delicious popcorn and candy. They even delivered movies for me while I healed. I miss that place.

The bonus now though? With online streaming, the viewer is the boss. It might be just a coincidence, but the TV “clickah” is actually called the “remote control.” How perfect is that? We’re all stuck learning remotely, working remotely, and doing so much else in an isolated way, and now we get to push some buttons and rule the world. Well, at least the screen anyway. I can wield a remote like a pro, zipping through channels at a seizure-inducing pace. I can’t make the pandemic go away. I am powerless to open the schools, I can’t sit on my favorite barstool at the Barnacle, munching on clams and sipping the perfect Bloody Mary. No hugging my friends, or traveling, or going to a ballgame. So much of what was normal in the “Before Times” just can’t happen now. So, this is one part of life that is entirely up to me, and you bet your sweet bippy, I’m going for it.

Back then, it was frustrating to be physically limited. No bike rides, no badminton matches, I couldn’t even walk Penny the Pug. Now the limits are different, and while I'm grateful to be healthy, it's still frustrating. We are moving into a new phase though, and just maybe in a few months, some of what we are missing will come back. In the meantime, I will be turning away from the 24-hour news cycle of death and destruction, and going for the beauty of the binge. 

 

 

 

 

Wrong You Are: There Is Always Try

“Do or do not. There is no try.”

---Yoda

 

Ok, who am I to argue with a tiny Star Wars puppet that is beloved by so many, but…sorry my little green friend, you are so wrong. Because we are on this frustrating pandemic times calendar shift, it’s finally graduation season. Well, at least it is at my house. If I might just brag for a quick second, since December, my daughter has held a co-op job at a medical practice, passed the state boards for cosmetology, passed the state written and practical exam to be an EMT, and passed the national EMT license exam. She also navigated losing her last season of track, kept up with her duties as a class officer, and arranged college classes for the fall. I mostly stood by watching, and occasionally writing a check. The rest was all her.

 

Sure, that is a lot of doing. However, if you think there was no trying behind that, you’d be wrong. Like all of us, she tried, tried, and tried again. Also, like all of us, some of what she tried didn’t work out so well. And so it goes. We were chatting about everything that’s coming up for her in the next few months, and there will be a ton of choices she has to make. It’s daunting when you think of it.

 Last week I talked about decisions, and the times we have to choose between multiple options, even when none of them are ideal. There’s a big decision coming in November, and it’s going to be wicked hard for me to look at all the facts, search my soul, and try to pick the right one. So far, I think carrot cake will be the winner. Come November 6th, my birthday cake will be carrot cake, with cream cheese frosting. Decision 2020, made.

Kidding aside, I know that the Yoda quote is supposed to be inspiring, but honestly, it’s not for me. It's like this. I’m a big fan of space exploration. The research, the cutting-edge technology, the going where no man has gone before and all the rest is exciting, and, in my opinion, crucial to our survival. The Star Wars movies get that. Sure, it's fiction, but they show us that there’s so much out there. Truly, we should be looking skyward every day and finding new ways to get to, “infinity and beyond.” Space exploration starts with someone, somewhere, saying, “What if we tried this?” If you look back at the very beginnings of NASA, there were a lot of attempts that, well, flopped. Did we stop trying? Nope.

 

As we look toward schools reopening, the economy righting itself, and a political landscape that seems fraught with peril around every corner, it’s important to remember how to try. We need to think of new ideas, even ones that sound a little off the wall. Before this year, who would have thought of a drive-by commencement? Who could have conceived of a virtual baby shower, via a Zoom video call? An event I always love to attend is Harrington Reads, at Harrington Elementary in Lynn. I get to meet young readers, authors, and educators and share what they love about literacy. This year, it went virtual. All videos, posted on YouTube. It was that or cancel it altogether. Someone was smart enough to ask, “What if we tried to…” and then made it happen. That is try. It leads to doing, but first, there is try.

 

So far no one has asked for my advice on any of the conundrums we are facing, but, for the record, here it is: There must always be a way to try. No doing can happen before we dare to try. If you’re job hunting, try looking in a field you might not have considered. If you’re facing a decision on whether or not to send your kid back to school? Try it, see what happens. If it’s not the right move, move on to another option. My father was always spewing forth what he thought were incredibly wise words. Some were, and others, not so much. One of my favorite pieces of advice from him was this: “Brenda, the only part of your life that will be carved in stone are the dates on your headstone. Everything else is up for grabs. Try it all. If one path doesn’t work, go another way. You’ll get there.”  He was so right. Let’s keep trying.