Brenda on the MTA

"Now, you citizens of Boston, don't you think it's a scandal

How the people have to pay and pay?

Fight the fare increase, vote for George O'Brien

Get poor Charlie off the MTA!"

---Songwriters: Bess Hawes/Jacqueline Steiner

Poor old Charlie, right? No wonder he didn't want to drive, here in the Boston area we have a reputation for being bad drivers. Personally, I don't agree. There is a way to drive around here, and it sometimes requires cutting someone off, stopping on a dime, and leaning on the horn. The hand signals they make you learn for the driver's test? What a waste of time, Massachusetts drivers don't use turn signals, we're not sticking our hand out the window unless it's to smile and wave, in that friendly, one-fingered way we have. You won't find that signal in the Driver's Ed book.  

Boston is a tough commute though; there are something like three available parking spaces in the whole city, it's construction season (Seriously, wasn't the Big Dig supposed to be over by now?) and really, taking public transit is the responsible thing to do for the planet, and, probably your sanity too. I've been hopping the train to the city lately, and it's been an experience. Now and then I can take the bus as well, or drive to the subway in Revere. What I've found is that there should be some basic rules to make time on the T less stressful, and to keep me from smacking someone, because I would not look good in an orange jumpsuit.  A few pro tips from this new commuter:

1)    Wait your turn. Sure, we should have all learned this in kindergarten, but my guess is a few people were out that day. Seriously, why do people push and shove just to be on the bus or through the turnstile ahead of the rest? There's no prize. The conductor on the commuter rail isn't going to give you a medal because you snagged the good seat by the window. Breathe….let it go…and if you cut in front of me again, we're going to have a problem.

2)    Do not spread yourself all over the place. It's called "manspreading" by some, but honestly, it's not just the guys.  When a passenger is all spread out over more than one seat, with their bags and coat taking up another spot, that is just rude. Your purse (backpack, North Face jacket, knitting bag) doesn't have a ticket. Move it or lose it, people. Especially during rush hour. If you think your purse on the seat means I won't sit there, you are wrong. I will ask you nicely to move your things, but my Irish bottom is landing on whatever seat is available.

3)    You are not invisible. What you might do at home in your bathroom should not be done on public transportation. This includes flossing, picking your nose or any other orifice, clipping your nails, and all foot care. Just stop. No hair styling either, this isn't your dressing room. Who leaves the house without already taking care of most of this stuff? Mascara application or putting in your contacts on a moving train? Don't come crying to me when you shoot your eye out.

4)    Remember your table manners. Sure, everyone is running around with a coffee in one hand and a smartphone in the other, and that's fine. However, it's not cool to whip out last night's fettuccine Alfredo and start scarfing it down. Plus, germs. Your hands have been on seats, and turnstiles and stair railings, now you want them on your food? It's not a picnic, so skip the fried chicken legs and sandwiches. There is no club car, so for the good of us all, travel now, eat later.

5)    Turn it down. Headphones, earbuds, Air Pods, etc. all exist so you, and ONLY you can hear the music. If the whole train can listen to it, then they're speakers, not headphones. It's nice to share, so, maybe share your space, not the entire set list of the Whitesnake/Def Leppard Greatest Hits tour.

As I get better at navigating public transportation, most of this probably won't even be on my radar. There seems to be a zone of peaceful oblivion that some of my fellow commuters get into, and perhaps I will achieve that. In the meantime, it's still fun getting in and out of the city. We are so lucky to be this close to a place like Boston. Who knows, maybe someday I'll even get to meet the famous Charlie.