Giving Joy a Voice

"Find out where joy resides, and give it a voice far beyond singing. For to miss the joy is to miss all."

---Robert Louis Stevenson

Joy. Who doesn't love some joy every so often? No matter where you fall in politics, income, social status, or anything else external, feeling that sense of happiness is a gift. I'm not talking about the average ordinary contentment of a beautiful day, or just being satisfied with the status quo. That's all well and good, but joy, real soul-lifting, unrestrained happiness doesn't come about that often, but when it does? Literally, full stop.  Shut it down, whatever you're doing, and close your eyes so you can drink in that moment. It's rare, it's magical, and it matters.

There's been a lot of less than joyful moments lately. A divisive election has found parents, teachers and public officials sniping at each other, in person and online. The weather has, well, sucked. If it doesn't stop raining soon, I'm going to need a rowboat to get out of my driveway. The Bruins didn't take the Stanley Cup, and someone dinged my car and didn't leave a note. None of these things are tragic, or even more than just minor annoyances. The thing is, even something trivial can put us in a bad mood, to the point where we couldn't find a joyful moment if it jumped into our laps.

Joy is fleeting; it's like the perfect wave that washes over your toes in the sand on a sunny beach day and is gone, just as quickly. It's finding the last few French fries at the bottom of the bag when you thought they were all gone. While little aggravating experiences can ruin your whole day, the same is true for tiny bits of joy. They can turn a day around in an instant. So many times we get caught up in what has gone wrong, what we don't have, what we didn't achieve. Why don't we spend that same kind of energy, time, and effort in celebrating when a day has gone well? We stomp around, venting and crapping about whatever inconvenience or downturn that happens, but do we take the same amount of time to appreciate joy? To pause when something lifts us up, and to revel in it? We all have jobs to do, difficulties to deal with and responsibilities to fulfill. We "have to" to get so much done, day in and day out. Someone told me that a better way to look at it is that we "get to" do all of this work. We get to wake up every day and take on the world, or just go grocery shopping. We get to drive a car around to errands; we get to go to a job, we get to make dinner, we get to watch reruns of I Love Lucy late at night while eating chips in bed. OK, that might just be me, and while it's not the healthiest habit, it's fun.

Joy shows up in the most unexpected places. In my kitchen, there is a door that leads to the cellar and the backyard. It was always the spot where I would back the kids up to take a picture. There are hundreds of happy snaps taken there — Halloween costumes, Easter outfits and so much else. The door rattles when it's windy; it's full of scratches and dings because the dog bashes herself against when she needs to go out, and it needs a coat of paint. But it's also the spot where hundreds of little moments of joy have been preserved. That damn door makes me happy, even if it does look pretty worn out.

In what seems like another lifetime, but was just 1983, barely a few yesterdays ago, I was at college, with some friends. We were walking back from class, laughing like fools about something none of us remember all these years later. One of my friends looked me right in the eye and said, "You are such a joy."  I won't ever forget it, because I was thinking the same thing about my friend at that moment, but I didn't say so. Pro tip: If you are in a moment with someone, and there is this kind of joy, give it a voice.

 

Coffee Tawlk With Young Writers

"All you have to do is write one true sentence. Write the truest sentence that you know."

--Ernest Hemingway

I love getting to talk with other writers. There's a kinship in what writers do; we all have little habits, tricks, and more than a few phobias around our work. If it's journalism, it's about facts, and investigating and keeping people informed. If you're someone who can write fiction, then you live in a world of characters, their story arcs, and their imaginary relationships. You lose your mind trying to figure out how to punctuate dialogue in these pretend worlds, but crafting a story is like breathing life into a world you create in your head, it's miraculous. Poets are a most amazing kind of writer because their words are so carefully chosen. They fit together in intricate patterns, sometimes rhyming, but always meant to hit you right in the feels.

This week, I was lucky enough to sit down with an entire room full of authors. Oh, and there were juice boxes, cups of tea, and mini muffins too. My friend Lisa Quillen, a gifted educator, teaches first grade at Glover School. She asked me to come to visit her class for their author's breakfast. Breakfast is the most important meal of the day you know, and who doesn't want to have a coffee klatch with writers? Do you know what's even more impressive than a really good writer? A room full of really good writers who can explain Fortnite, illustrate their stories, and play a mean game of kickball at recess. These kids are 6 and seven years old. When I was 6, I couldn't tie my shoes. I could barely tell time, and I stunk at math. These wunderkinder are writing books, and they can likely tell time and tie their shoes too.

Kids at this age are quite something. There is a lot they don't know yet. Even if they can't understand higher level math, or how to change the oil in the lawnmower, and tie a necktie, they know so much else. Did any of you know that Gertrude Ederle was the first woman to swim across the English Channel, and they called her the "Queen of the Waves?" Despite being a trivia buff, I didn't know that. Also, it's not trivial, and isn't it great that more women's accomplishments are showing up in the classroom? In the space of a school year that began with some of the kids still struggling with pencil skills and spelling, this group of young authors wrote books. They wrote short stories, they wrote science reports, and book reviews and so much more. They had portfolios of their work. I wrote a book, there's another on the way, and I'm a newspaper columnist. My "portfolio" is a Trapper Keeper of some clippings and Post-It notes. I am going to need to up my game; the next crop of writers is a pretty sharp bunch.

Sometimes, in the classroom, the focus becomes about the tools, the equipment, the facilities.  All of that is vital to the task of giving our kids the best education possible. The teachers matter too, of course. What I realized in the short time I sat with these word masters and their fearless leader Mrs. Quillen, is that it's a particular combination that is needed, much like a poem, a book or a short story. The right words, strung together in a carefully crafted way, literally can change the world. We've all seen it happen in politics and history; It's no different in the classroom. We are so lucky to have the raw materials of eager kids who want to learn. So, we add buildings and books. We find professionals that genuinely love what they do. Toss in a few bits of tech and then, on a sunny morning in June, a bunch of little kids, after just 180 days, are reading poetry to you and talking about first drafts. Oh, and in the same year, they also learned who Gertrude Ederle was, how to add and subtract, read a map, and spell most of their words correctly.

 

When the chance came up to talk to this class, someone told me, "They will love hearing from a real author." Not so much. They did seem to enjoy it, but they schooled me. They were the ones answering the questions and making suggestions. If you ever get the chance to spend time with writers who might not have penmanship fully down yet but have tons of ideas and imagination? Do it. Thank you, Mrs. Quillen and your gang of pencil-wielding pundits for letting me join you for a morning of words and wisdom. Keep writing!

SMILE! It's Selfie Time

"None are so empty as those who are full of themselves."

--- Benjamin Whichcote

Smile, click click click…OK, now turn your head, catch the light, duck face and SMILE. It's another selfie session, at a restaurant, a party, a museum or just at a stop light. The makings of the next post on Insta or story on Snapchat are all around us. The selfie trend is hot and heavy, but not everyone thinks it's all that. There are articles, posts, and even whole websites that are either dedicated to getting the perfect happy snap selfie or ranting about how the trend is ruining the youth of today and turning them into megalomaniacs.

Those who take them are essentially curating their lives, to show themselves in the best possible way. Hair has to be perfect, background framed just so, and then, even if it's a great shot and looks beautiful, there are editing tools. There are dozens of apps available for smartphones that will whiten your teeth, remove bags from your eyes, and even slim down any parts that don't pass social media muster. But seriously, has it gone too far? Is the selfie an indication of a generation that is superficial and self-absorbed, or is it just some passing fancy with the Gen Z crowd? Oh, for the record, Gen Z is the generation that came after the Millennials. Born between 1995 and now, Gen Z'ers are taking over. They rule retail, they own social media, and they are the first age group to grow up in an entirely digital environment. They have never known a world without cell phones, the Internet, and hashtags.

I recently had to replace my beloved iPhone, and in the process of moving all the data off the old phone so it could be wiped, I realized there were a ton of snapshots of me on the phone. Smiling, not smiling, outside, inside, in the car, walking the dog. No lie, it was embarrassing. Now, not all of them were posted on social media, because that would be truly bizarre, but with digital pictures, the benefit is that you can take 147 pictures to get just the right look and then trash the rest like they never happened. That was my plan; just keep snapping until there was one picture that didn't make me look like someone tried to inflate my face with helium. Still, the reject snapshots were sitting in the trash bin of my phone, mocking me.

Essentially, we are editing our own lives, putting out only those moments that are crafted to perfection. Is it screwing us up somehow? Are we teaching our kids that they should only reveal moments of their lives that are carefully staged? Are we creating a culture of self-absorption?  Well, it's probably not quite that dire.

Along with the lost selfies on my phone, there were snapshots of my friends and me. We are toasting with a glass of wine on a girl's night, laughing at the beach, photobombing each other with goofy faces. If this trend of selfies wasn't such a thing, would we think to capture some of these moments? In all of my old family photos from growing up, all of them are posed. Mostly my brother and I, either in pajamas on Christmas morning or standing on the front lawn, in itchy church clothes, with plastic Easter baskets. There are no bent and yellowed photos of my father flipping pancakes on Christmas morning. None of the cracked and weathered Polaroids show my brother and I flying down the hill on our bikes, or playing "Rock band" with plastic guitars. The camera came out on special occasions back then; now, with almost every phone having a camera, every event can be a photo op.

Honestly, I think selfies are a bit of fun. Within reason. No snaps of solemn places, like the Holocaust memorial sites, the Vietnam Wall, or Ground Zero. Places that honor those lost to wars or terrible tragedies are not about you and your duck face. If you're someplace where someone's name is carved in stone because they made the ultimate sacrifice, put the damn phone down and pay attention. Also, don't get so absorbed in your photo shoot that you miss the event you were trying to document; life is best lived in the moment, not behind a lens. Maybe our cell phones get in the way sometimes, but they're always at the ready and can capture tiny moments in time that might otherwise slip by unnoticed. So, smile. Make a goofy face, train the dog to photobomb your kids, and get that happy snap for posterity. Someday, maybe years from now, you'll come across a fun photo and smile all over again.

And who doesn't love Big Papi, our own selfie snapper!