THE WAR ON CHRISTMAS

"I just like to smile. Smiling is my favorite."

---Buddy the Elf

What a lovely friendly quote, right? Well, there's going to be a little rant here, so just keep smiling. At this time of year, the same traditions begin again, like every year. Black Friday. Christmas carols. Decorations and sales and so much else. I grew up with Christmas, and it's nice if a little stressful. It's definitely more fun as a kid than a parent. Lately though, in the past ten or so years, there has been another aspect to this time of year. The War on Christmas. No one can say "Merry Christmas" anymore. No, absolutely not, don't even think it. White Christian families are now the oppressed. Santa Claus is persona non grata.  A Christmas tree in your window could get you shunned.

Ridiculous you say? Why yes, of course, it is! There is no war on Christmas, okay? It doesn't exist. Oh, well, wait, I'm wrong on that. There actually are foot soldiers in the war on Christmas. They're American service members still serving in Afghanistan. How many? Estimates put it at 11,000 troops currently serving there. They will be there Christmas Eve, Christmas Day, and who knows how long after that? That is the only "war" on Christmas that genuinely exists, and sadly, most people have no idea it's happening. Many are too busy getting their panties in a wad over what the Wal-Mart cashier says to them on their way out of the store.

Yes, it's true that the majority of people in the United States celebrate Christmas. Pew Research puts the figures around 70% for Christian, 6% for Jewish, Buddhist, Muslim and Hindu combined and the rest sprinkled among Pagans, atheists, and agnostics. You know what 100% of the businesses in the United States celebrate? Not going bankrupt. That's the job of businesses. To get as many people as possible to want their products, shop in their stores and buy all the crap most people don't need, like Chia Pets and Fingerlings. So, it seems that it would make good business sense to cast a wide net and not alienate any potential shoppers.  Most stores now have "Holiday" sales. Most employees say, "Happy Holidays" instead of "Merry Christmas." Is that holiday hostility and political pandering? No. It's about not leaving people out. It's not nice to leave people out, didn't we all learn that in kindergarten? Also, leaving people out is bad for the bottom line.

Like anything, when I have a question about something, I ask people who know more than I do. I am blessed to have many Jewish friends, and I asked them about the whole Merry Christmas/Happy Holidays debate. Perhaps it's because my taste in friends is excellent, but not one of them said they minded being wished a "Merry Christmas" or "Happy Holidays" by random retail employees. One friend, who is wicked smart, said that while she wasn't offended by a Christmas greeting, it was an assumption on the part of the person saying it.  It's assumption that since Christmas is the dominant holiday, that must be what everyone does. Since we cannot always know what the bag boy at Stop and Shop or the clerk at the bank celebrates, saying "Happy Holidays" isn't a ding on Christmas, it's a way to make sure you are not assuming something you don't know for a fact. Because what happens when we assume? Something not printable here.

Some of my friends did say they felt "uninvited" or "overlooked" when everything from Halloween on was all Christmas, all the time and you know, I get that. However, none of them, not a single one, were angry, rude or snotty about it and my fellow pug mom, poet and neighbor, who is Jewish, said she'd go caroling with me. She's awesome.

Another wise friend echoed what most people said when she told me, "I'm never offended when someone wishes me well. We've become such a divisive country that we take issue with someone wishing us Happy____. How the hell do we get offended by a phrase that begins with Happy?" Ding, dong merrily on high, we have a winner! Did someone wish you well? Good for you! Why on earth is that a problem? Ask anyone that works at Starbucks, this time of year is fraught with peril concerning cups, good wishes, trees, décor and freaking eggnog lattes. There was a nearly nationwide tantrum over the 2015 coffee cups that were red and didn't have anything Biblical on them like reindeer and snowmen. Enough already.

As I was writing this, my Spotify playlist shuffled to Perry Como singing "Happy Holidays!" I looked it up. That song was written in 1942. It's been played every year on multiple stations. How come nobody thinks Perry Como hates Jesus? Probably because he's dead, but I digress.  Wishing someone "Happy Holidays" isn't some liberal political agenda to kill Santa and make venison chops out of Rudolph. It's a way to be inclusive, to wish someone well, to share a smile and a quick moment of empathy with the hustle and bustle of this time of year. Do some retailers instruct employees to say, "Happy Holidays" and not "Merry Christmas?" Yes. The same way one of my first employers instructed me not to say, "There's no real dairy in the shakes, so don't worry if you're lactose intolerant." It's business. If sales associates in retail "big box" stores are ruining your holiday with their automatic and likely mandated greeting, you might need an attitude adjustment.

Here's my wish for everyone this year. To all that know me and even those who don't, I wish you joy and health. Good times with family and friends. Safe travels and happy trails. Eight candles to remember a miracle, a tree to decorate, a gift to open, a meal to share and warm wishes for a new year full of love and laughter and, like Buddy the Elf, smiles. If you're having a tough time with any of that, call me. You're welcome at my house anytime.