You've Got Mail!

“To send a letter is a good way to go somewhere without moving anything but the heart.”

--Phyllis Theroux

Most of the time I am all about the online world. Websites, Facebook, and my email, take up a good-sized chunk of my day. And I make no apologies for that; technology works for me.

But recently I rediscovered something that wasn't even remotely high tech. I got a piece of mail. An actual piece of paper, with my street address on the back, and the skyline of New York on the front. It was a postcard from a good friend who was traveling. I had forgotten how nice it is to look in the mailbox and see something hand addressed with my name on it.

Even in this cold wintery weather, there is mail. “Snail mail” lands in my mail slot every day, but it’s not usually that inspiring. Mostly it's bills, catalogs, or a reminder that I'm overdue at the dentist. It gets sorted into piles on my desk, and that’s about it. A postcard is different though. It was from New York, with my two favorite buildings stretching to the sky. The Chrysler Building and the Empire State Building are iconic landmarks. With their gargoyles and art deco flair, they symbolize the city for me. A friend knew this and sent the card, which makes it even more special.

Email, smartphones and social media have made the way we communicate so much different. Every day on Facebook, I look up in the right-hand corner of the screen and see who is having a birthday. Then I click on their name, dash off a quick (but still sincere) wish for many happy returns, and it's so convenient. My friends know I'm thinking of them with almost no effort on my part.

That birthday button works for me since otherwise, I would forget most birthdays. There are a few people I know who do not use social media, and they are usually the ones who get one of those lame "Sorry I missed it" belated birthday cards. I should just put “Loser” in the return address corner. Come on, how hard is it to put a card in the mail on the right day?

For me, the answer is "close to impossible." I have what my children refer to as a severe postal impairment. Five days out of seven I pass the post office in town at least twice. Not to mention there are mailboxes everywhere, including the one at my house. Did you know that the letter carrier who brings your mail will also take whatever outgoing mail you have if you leave it in the box? It's true! You can even tell the carrier that you need stamps, leave a check in there, and the next day? Stamps!

Christmas is a nightmare for us postally impaired; I finally had to give up and not send cards, because no one wants to get a card in freaking April with a pug dressed up as Santa. Most people get started in October to get just the right photos and an upbeat Christmas letter. In October the beach chairs are still in my backyard; Christmas isn’t even on my radar at that point.

And packages? Not happening. I'm great about packing things up, finding a box and addressing it. Then it goes in my car. This is where the postal impairment kicks in. Apparently, somewhere in my head, getting the package to my car equals mailing it. Days later I notice the box in the back seat, surrounded by school papers, an empty coffee cup, and my daughter's cheer shoes and think "why isn't that package in Philadelphia yet?"

Since my friends know this about me, I can't even try to lie and say "oh, it went out last week.” They know it likely didn't. The one time I  did manage to mail something, on time, it got lost in the mail. I swear, it did! It was a Christmas ornament, and somewhere between here and Georgia, a little wreath made of sea glass is homeless. It's probably in some dead corner of a mail facility, like some misfit toy that even Santa and Rudolf can't find.

But this little postcard was such a fun surprise. The person who sent it had no shortage of what I'm sure were important things to do in New York. But a few minutes and thirty-five cents in postage and my day is made. That's all it took, a little thing, but really kind of a big deal, at least to me.

So I'm going to try to be better about mailing things. Maybe I can work my way back up to the Christmas card list. Perhaps if I take the time to send an honest to goodness letter or card to the next person I know having a birthday, I will earn some postal karma.

I want to look forward to what's in my mailbox. Knowing someone took a second to think about me and did more than push a button was way more fun than hearing the little man on the computer say, "You've got Mail!"

Noticing the Niceties

"Being nice takes work. That's why I really like people who are nice."

---Casey Neistat

"Be nice!" It seems like I have been telling my children that since day one. I'm still yapping at them about it, and two of them are grown. There are more than a few adults that need to be told this, but sadly most of them don't listen to me. Be nice. It sounds simple, but lately, I have found that it isn't easy at all. For me, that makes it's even more vital.

Let's take a look around at the world we live in. The stock market, the last time I was brave enough to look, was in some kind of downward "correction" which I think is financial lingo for "Boy, are you screwed." Bombs were sent to half a dozen or so politicians and other well-known politically active people. There's an election coming up that half of my friends think will "set things straight" while the other half thinks it will result in civil war. For once I'm not the only person who is one breaking news update away from hiding under the bed with a bottle of Jameson; a lot of my friends are on edge, and it does make it harder to remember to be nice.

Inside the confines of my own car, I have the vocabulary of a well-educated sailor. I try to curb it when there are children with me, but thankfully that isn't often. Traffic is the place where it's hardest for me to be nice, or even remotely civil, lately. I don't drive aggressively; I don't go too fast, I stop for lights and crosswalks and turkeys, not because it's about being nice, but because my insurance is high enough, already. I do, however, talk to myself in an expletive-laced commentary on the…tomfoolery…I see on the roads. Full disclosure, I've never used the word tomfoolery, but let's go with it here. I do find myself creeping up at intersections and not letting people in though. Or zipping through a yellow light a nanosecond before it goes red, to get ahead of the cars that are waiting on the other side. Just the other day I squealed tires in a backward move to snag a parking space just as another vehicle gave a signal. In my defense, it was Salem, and it's October, but still, the whole "be nice" mojo was just not happening and it made me stop and think.

Look, there's a lot going on, in the world, but in our own lives too. Being nice is getting harder every day. That's why I think a fair number of people have given up on it. There's nowhere near enough mental bandwidth to handle the task for some. I wish I knew how to fix that. What I do know though, is that being nice has to be noticed a little more. While it's true that virtue is its own reward, I know that I'm going to need a little something more and so do a lot of people. Supposedly, when we do something out of kindness, there should be no expectation of any reward or benefit. People who ring up your groceries, cut your lawn or deliver your mail get "thanked" with a paycheck, right? Sure, most of us mumble a few words in reply to the automatic "Thank you for shopping with us," but maybe there could be more. Toss in some eye contact. Every store I go in, the employees have name tags. How about saying, "Thanks, Cheryl, you have a good day too." It's the littlest thing, but I think it goes a long way.

Would it kill any of us to notice more of what's going on around us? We should see the effort it takes to do a challenging job, every day, and still be pleasant. Don't wait until it's Letter Carrier Appreciation Day to tell your mail carrier "Thank you."  Yes, it's their job, whether anyone notices it or not, but save the date: Thank a Mail Carrier Day is February 4th. There is also National Postal Worker Day, on July 1st. 





There are a ton of other days too, that honor other professions, and of course days like Mother's Day and Father's Day, etc. Maybe being nice is hard because it's not noticed, or even expected, so people just give up? I don't know a single person who isn't pretty close to capacity just managing their life, job, family, and home, and most of them are still nice. It's hard work. We should start acknowledging that with more than a paycheck, or a 15% tip. Payment covers a task; when someone does their job and is nice about it too? Say something about the effort that takes. We are all working pretty hard at keeping it together, a sincere "well done!" would go a long way. Oh, and thanks for reading, hardly anyone has time for that anymore, and it means a lot to me.