You do You? Not Always....

“You do you.”

--Unknown, unattributed

 I keep hearing this quote lately. Whether it’s masks, or quarantine, or eating in a restaurant, it’s all, “You do you!” You know what? I have had it with this. Faithful readers of this column (all three of you) can look back and see that I have, much to everyone’s surprise, been Miss Good Vibes Only during this pandemic. This week, I’m so done with that. 

Graphic from The Atlantic

I get it; it’s bad out there. I lost my job. No worries, there’s always waitressing and substitute teaching, right? Oh…wait…never mind. But hey, I’m not the only one. It’s not just about me. There are nurses, doctors, EMTs (hello, my daughter is one) out there keeping people alive, I have no reason to complain. I will find a writing gig at some point, I am just grateful not to be hacking up a lung, you know? Ask around though, and you’ll find that a common reason people are ticked off is that they had to go a few months without a haircut. Really? Picture me right now, channeling my inner Marisa Tomei from “My Cousin Vinny” and hollering, sarcastically, “OMG, what (blanking) nightmare!”

Most of us have never navigated a pandemic. First it was stay home, and if you have to go out, wear a mask, stay six feet apart, don’t touch anyone else, or even your own face. Then it got tougher and became a mission. Hoard the wipes, buy all the Lysol, stock up on bleach! More of that “you do you” mentality, right? We all want to keep our loved ones safe, but it’s gone beyond that to something that is, quite frankly, ugly. G-D forbid you whip through the dozens of mega rolls of Charmin you managed to snag back in March, right? You have to keep going, you need more of everything! The world is going to end if you don’t get another roll, another dozen eggs, three more loaves of bread, and a gallon jug of hand sanitizer.

You do you is straight up selfish at this point. So many are just refusing to look outside their own bubble of oblivion and recognize that someone else might need a hand. People are struggling, but it’s OK, you do you; that person you whipped in front of in Market Basket might have needed that last bag of rice, or that last sack of flour. Hey, no worries, right? You were just doing you.

Stop it, it’s gross.

I’m no infectious disease expert, but the science (remember science?) says that masks can reduce risk not just for ourselves, but for others. See how that works? I wear a mask because it might help someone else. Doesn’t make me a hero, just like singing in the shower doesn’t make me Beyoncé, but still, I’m happy to do it. Because…others. If you interpret “you do you” as a reason to not wear a mask, or not wash your hands, or not social distance, then you’re not doing you, because, newsflash, public health is not just about you. The word public means all of us. You are risking the health of your neighbors, you are standing up for selfishness, and you’re making it harder for everyone else to get through this sh….poop show. I’m so sick of it, my head is going to fly off.

OK, deep breath. Yes, this is a rant, and I too am being crappy. It’s just really hard to see people disrespecting others over…well…everything. Even those that have always been revered and respected are getting tossed under the bus. We all love teachers, right? It’s all apples and appreciation, until we think about school starting up and then we say, “Teachers need to get back to class, the economy is gonna tank, if they’re too scared, they shouldn’t be teachers.” 

Seriously? Yes, we all want school to open, but how many people have to die or risk grave illness to make it happen? Could we spare a moment for the people that are literally educating, caring for, and protecting the next generation? Can we please look out for them and respect the work they’ve done this year, under unimaginable circumstances? You think supply lists were bad when they asked for a box of Kleenex and some pencils? How many cans of Lysol do you have stashed away? How many masks, gloves, and wipes? How many are you willing to part with? Or perhaps you could just tell them, “Hey! These are mine. You do you!”

There is a lot we can each do for other people. We can wear the mask and shut the hell up about it, for Christ's sake. We can wait in line, six feet apart, and shut up about that too. We can stop driving like jerks, flipping people the bird because we are ticked off (I admit, this one is hard for me too, I get it.) We can stop calling the police on teenagers, shaming them over dog poop and social distancing. The cops are too busy for you, Karen, put the phone down.

Try this. Buy a teacher some of the good wipes. Drop off a Dunks gift card at the police station. Say thank you to the checker at Crosby’s, not because they bagged your groceries, but because they showed up. Stop doing you and do someone else. Wait… that didn’t come out right. Whatever, just pull your head out of wherever it is and look around. No, we cannot live in fear. But we can live in compassion. We can live in careful caution. We can live in a world where we help others, where we look outside ourselves and reach out to lend a hand. We can do anything, with good sense, with science, and with the help of friends, neighbors, and even strangers. We can do this, but we have to do it right. See if there’s something that needs doing and doesn’t involve your own needs. Be kind, be helpful, lend a hand. Thank you.

Keep Your Hazmat Hands to Yourself

"The main ingredient in hand sanitizer is paranoia."

---Pinterest quote

OK, it's not really paranoia, it's rubbing alcohol. Except if you use the alcohol-free kind, then it's benzalkonium chloride (BZK). Science fact: That nasty puke bug that goes around every year? It's called norovirus and alcohol doesn't kill the germs that cause it. BZK does, and it won't make your hands look like ashy cinderblocks. It's flu season, and I am the farthest thing from a germaphobe there is, but this is war. As of the week ending February 3, 2018, the CDC reports that there have been 63 children who have died from influenza this season and we are only about 11 weeks into it. There are likely at least six more weeks before it abates. If you chose to get a flu shot, OK, fine, but don't think you're inside some kind of magic bubble. The vaccine is, at best, only about 30% effective and that number is probably high.

 

There hasn't been a flu season this bad in years, and there doesn't seem to be an end in sight anytime soon. When my kids were little, I was the anti-sanitizer mom. I never carried sanitizer; I let them sit in the grocery cart without a cutesy germ harness all around them. They played in the mud, and they ate the Cheerio's that fell on the floor well after five seconds had passed. They were all extremely healthy too. My oldest never vomited until he was 6 and never had an ear infection or even a particularly bad cold. If I had little ones now? I would be off the chain with the wipes and the sprays and everything else. I'd probably be dragging around a gallon of Purell and considering hazmat suits.

That's overkill of course, but the other day, in the store, a friend of mine noticed the sample fruit slices, under the culinary version of the Cone of Shame, with the toothpicks next to them. Just as she was thinking of having one, another customer came along, stuck her bare hands under the dome, fished around for a slice, ate it and then stuck her hand BACK in for another go. My friend said she wanted to sound an alarm, like "Biohazard in Aisle 4, can we get the CDC over here to tent the fruit?" I've seen similar behavior, and it never bothered me before, but now, with this flu, I want to shake people and say, "You want a little adenovirus with your free grapes? Sure, go ahead stick your nasty paws in there and root around like a raccoon in a trash can. While you're at it, just sneeze all over the cheese counter, cough on the bakery samples, pick your nose at the check-out and finish up by licking your fingers to separate your cash when you pay."

We are at the epicenter of a wicked cold and flu season people. Just stop. For the love of all that is Holy and good, just think for a second. Do you want to be down for the count with a fever and a gooey cough, huddled in bed, praying for a happy death while your family seals your room off with a boat tarp and duct tape? Of course, you don't. Please, just keep your hands off the free fruit, no double dipping the chips, and if you're even sniffling a little, stay home. Almost anything can be delivered. Want some soup? Call me, I will bring it and leave it at your door, but do not inflict your boogery-business all over the rest of us.

It might sound harsh, and I don't mean to be so….witchy…but think of it as community service. Your neighbors might covet your new car or your spouse, but trust me, they don't want your germs. Right this second, as I'm writing this there are 32 days, 22 hours, 51 minutes and 47 seconds until Spring. Yes, it's just a date on the calendar, and Mother Nature doesn't always cooperate, but soon enough there will be warm days, ocean breezes and sunlight to disinfect this winter of our dysentery…I mean discontent. Keep your hands to yourself and wash them once in a while too. If you do get sick and need something at the store, call me, I'll go for you. I'll walk your dog, pick up your kid and bring you trashy magazines too because people have done that for me and it was a godsend. Be well and if you're not? Be home.