If Can, Can....

“If can, can. If no can, no can.”

---Hawaiian proverb

A good friend who lives in Hawaii mentioned this saying recently. We were talking about how hectic the holidays can be and how we’re all making lists, just like Santa, but of course we don’t all have a magic sleigh and eight tiny reindeer to pull an all-nighter and get it all done. 

Photo courtesy of Dianne Silver, Hawaii

Lists are a thing with me. On my best day, my organizational skills are severely lacking, making lists, even if they are only on small sticky notes slapped haphazardly around the house, keeps me just barely in the ballpark of being on the ball. The hard truth is, however, that except for Santa, no one checks off every last item on their to-do list. A list isn’t ever carved in stone, there are always more chores to go on it.

The problem becomes that some of us can get tied to a list, to a schedule, to the clock that ticks away faster and faster every day. We can almost live and die over a train being 10 minutes late or a traffic jam that keeps us from checking off another chore on the list. Here’s a pro tip: there is always traffic. The trains are always late. If can, can…

As many of us do at the end of December, I’m looking back at the long list of items I checked off in the last year, and looking ahead to the hundreds of list items that will show up in the new year.  Honestly, I am trying not to make it about keeping score, but, well, the math isn’t working that well for me. There always seem to be way more unchecked and undone items. Every now and then when it gets a bit overwhelming, I try to think of something that got done that day, but was not on the list. Then I add it to the list and check it off. It’s sometimes the little lies we tell ourselves that can save the day, and this one seems harmless enough, right?  If can, can.

What happens, though, when our waking hours become a series of tasks, appointments, assignments, and errands? Should we have to fit in normal life moments like catching up with a kid over ice cream or seeing a friend for lunch? Granted, it’s important to keep track of time and commitments, but relegating these small moments to a list of chores feels wrong. There’s a multi-million dollar industry that sells organizers, day planners, smartphone apps, and everything else to keep our timetables humming, but it’s eventually going to hit critical mass and then? No can…

One item that is going on the top of my list, and likely will not get checked off, is to work harder at accepting the no can moments. Because they will come, daily probably, so it’s best to realize they are a part of the whole and not a roadblock. What most of us do entirely too much of is look around at everyone else’s lists. Isn’t it enough to have to deal with our own line items? While it’s one thing, to learn from others, and borrow any strategies we find that could work for us, that’s not usually what happens. Too often we look only to compare, not to learn, and then we decide that everyone else is more efficient, smarter, and more accomplished than we could ever be. That, my friends, is whacked. Stressing out because we aren’t where someone else is? No can…

I don’t make New Year’s resolutions, because honestly, January doesn’t say “New beginnings” to me, but rather with its howling winds and snow banks, it screams in my face, “It’s mid-winter and Christmas is over, what are you gonna do it about it?” Guess what? No can. This year, perhaps without making it a formal resolution, there will be more list items left undone and less stress about them. That’s the plan, anyway. If can, can.