Laws of the Lunch Room.

“I believe in stopping work and eating lunch.”

---L’Wren Scott

“Lunch is for wimps.”

---Oliver Stone

Photo from the Salem News, 2014 Ken Yuszkus

OK, two quotes, opposite meanings. How is this even possible on a topic like lunch? Who doesn’t like lunch? Why kind of workaholic non-foodie doesn’t want to take a break from whatever your day is like, have a bite of something delicious, chat with a friend, or read a book and chill for a little while? Lunch is fantastic, lunch should be mandatory. When I am queen of the #$*% universe (which is what my iPhone calls me, because my kids fiddled with it and I don’t know how to fix it) lunch will be required.

I’ve recently started spending a few days in an office setting, and it’s been interesting. Brown bagging it was a thing of the past for me, but it’s back again because it’s a money saver and it keeps me on my Weight Watcher plan of slowing down the growth of my back end that was becoming a bigger part of my life than was necessary. What I’d forgotten about was what should be called “The Breakroom Code of Conduct.” In every office, there is a break room. There are usually vending machines, a microwave, a fridge, and some tables, and it’s a place for people to store their food, heat leftovers, read the paper, have a cup of coffee and go off the clock for a little while. There some actions and behaviors, however, that are simply not done, and they are part of this code. Here are some of the basics, just to review, because based on what I’ve heard from a few people, not everyone is aware of the code.

1)    Thou shalt not steal other people’s food. Think this is obvious? Think again. Yes, the refrigerator is a communal space, but the food in it is not just there for the taking. There are names on the containers, what does that mean? Not yours! It’s sad to see someone wandering around looking for their lost ham and cheese sammich. This doesn’t happen at my new office, but some friends have said their office fridge is like the Wild West, you just never know when something is going to get picked off.

2)    Clean up after yourself. Again, should be obvious, but apparently, some people (and I have at times been one of those people) are unclear on the concept. If you blew up your chicken parm in the microwave, clean it up, otherwise, to the next person, it looks like someone roasted a hamster.

3)    No fish. Ever. Well, if they are alive and in a beautiful tank, that’s OK. However, there is no place for fish anything in an office kitchen. Sure, you bought it all fresh and cooked it, and there were leftovers, waste not, want not, I get it. Just keep that Finnan Haddie at home, OK? While it might have smelled heavenly in your oven, two days later in a small windowless space with no range hood fan, it smells like the Gorton’s fisherman went on a three-day bender. No fish!

4)    If you make popcorn, make enough to share. It’s simply not right to have a big delicious bag of buttery popcorn and not share it. The smell of popcorn hits on all the brain’s reward centers. Which shows how stupid we are as a species, because that smell is diacetyl, and it’s wicked bad for you. Still, sharing is caring. Just buy the organic kind without the dry cleaning fluid and throw some real butter on it.

5)    Every once in a while make something, or purchase something, that’s yummy, like cannoli or homemade cookies. Then send out an office-wide email that the treats are there for all who hunger. There is no currency like baked goods in the office environment; why do you think they call them “brownie points?”

Every office is different, but lunch is a constant. Lunch is good. Lunch works. If that makes me a wimp, so be it. Share the love in the lunchroom; just don’t be a slob about it. Your co-workers will thank you. Also, if it ever stops raining, blow out of that breakroom and get some sun at lunchtime. Take a walk, buy an ice cream cone, and come back happy.